Iterator said:
Only a lack of imagination would make that true.
No lack of imagination around here:
In an unspecified future.
Location; the CDS’s office.
Staff Officer No. 1: “Sir, there’s a problem with the troops.”
CDS: “Well, nothing’s too good for the troops. We must fix this. What is the problem?”
S.O. No. 1: “”Well sir, as you can see on this slide, 16% of the general population claims themselves to follow no religion. We have been receiving complaints from this sector in the service that they are offended by the perception of religious trappings in military ceremonies. They demand equality sir.”
CDS: “My God …. no, strike that …. my goodness, we can’t have offended troops, the national press will vilify me … and the Minister. We still haven’t recovered from making all the IMPs vegan to satisfy the 8% who demand no meat products.”
So. No. 1: “Yes sir, what is your intent?”
CDS: “My intent is to strike down the offending activities. Henceforth, there is to be no religious activities, or allowances of vestigial trappings. Sanitize the ceremonials. And get me the Chaplain General.”
Chaplain General: “Reporting as ordered sir, would you like me to start the meeting with a short prayer.”
CDS: “Not bloody likely. You’re fired, clear your desk and your entire Corps from the department by sundown.”
C.G.: “Damn me sir, what about the churches!”
CDS: “There’ll be no more of that, or churches either. All churches in the CF will be handed off to CFPSA. Once their flat roofs are installed, base clubs can use them once the remaining religious artefacts have been disposed of.
C.G.: “Aye aye sir, I’ll see you in hell.”
CDS: ‘No you won’t, we don’t believe in that claptrap around here anymore.”
S.O. No. 2: “Sir, the CFCWO is here to see you.”
CDS: “Good morning ‘RSM’, what have you got for me this morning.”
CFCWO: “Bloody hell General, I wish you’d call me Chief, I’ll never get used to that “RSM” business.”
CDS: “Enough of that or I’ll make it official. What do you have, I’m busy converting the force to hereticism, or atheism, or something, …. haven’t had the full brief yet. All I know is that we need to reissue 65000 sets of dogtags with “NRE.”
CFCWO: “I wanted to go over the Remembrance Day ceremony. Once we’ve taken out the Padres, and the prayers, and any mention of crosses – that killed the McCrae poem – we’re down to the Last Post, a moment’s silence, and Reveille. Should be done in under five minutes.”
CDS: “Splendid, more time for moosemilk ….. uh, we still have that, don’t we, Chief?”
CFCWO: “Yes sir, we haven’t been able to find any religion that mixed milk, ice cream and rum, so it can stay until we do.”
CDS: “Well, thank God …. no, strike that.”
November 12
CDS’ Office
S.O. No. 2: “Sir, your papers …. you’d better check the national rags first.”
CDS: “What now? My head hurts from the moosemilk yesterday, I hardly remember that whirlwind service. Uh, do we still call it a service?”
S.O. No. 2: “No sir, it’s officially the Annual Act of Memoriam now, the Politically Correct Names Committee issued that a few days ago, the CANFORGEN officially striking down all religious practices is on your desk for signature today, we couldn’t sort out the wording in time for Remembrance Day. Rather difficult to outline something replacing those archaic rites without mentioning the background activities at all.”
CDS: “So be it. let’s see what the newshounds have been digging up for this week. My God ….. no, strike that …. what the hell …. damn, strike that too …. and that dammit ….”
S.O. No. 2: “Ah, yes sir, there seems to be some consternation about the stripping of religion from the Service. The press seems to think that over 80% of service members have, or had, declared religions and are now being persecuted for it.”
S.O. No. 2: “Oh, and you’re being called the ‘Godless General’, the briefing note is on your desk under the new CANFORGEN.
CDS: “What briefing note?”
S.O. No. 2: “The one that describes the unrest among some of the troops over the disbanding of the Padre Corps, stripping of the churches and banning of religious practices.”
CDS: “They can’t expect me to allow that back. We can’t let just a few complainers force us to change, and I won’t be swayed by a little furor in the press.”
S.O. No. 2: “Aye, sir.”
S.O. No. 3 (entering office): “Sir, better turn to NewsTrash.com, the top story is about your campaign of religious persecution.”
CDS: “What the hell … no, strike that …. a-a-a—achoo”
S.O. No. 3: “God Bless You sir”
CDS: “Charge that man …. damn him …… oh Christ …. damn me. Where’s that order, and bring me the damn shredder.”