More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
- Start date
23 ADULT TRUTHS
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
- Reaction score
- 2,849
- Points
- 940
:nod:GAP said:
- Reaction score
- 13
- Points
- 530
16 reasons to root against the evil Canadians at the Winter Olympics
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjkiebus/reasons-to-root-against-the-evil-canadians-at-the-winter
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjkiebus/reasons-to-root-against-the-evil-canadians-at-the-winter
- Reaction score
- 80
- Points
- 330
I heartily agree with #5. It took a whole bottle of Jack to wipe the taste of Maple Moose from my mouth.BeyondTheNow said:
- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 210
I don't understand the last one...................why are they pissed at Steven Harper? He hardly does any thing down there?
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 410
MORE ADULT TRUTHS:
24: Nothing you say to your kids makes any sense to them until about 20 years later.
25: "Yes Dear" isn't just something men say to their wives in 1960's sitcoms: it's a survival mechanism.
26. Winning an argument with your wife is losing. But this is irrelevant because achieving this is actually impossible.
27. You can be either married, or right. Not both.
28. You didn't bring enough tools to do that "quick little job". In fact, you don't OWN enough tools to do it.
(And, yes I actually am very happily married...)
24: Nothing you say to your kids makes any sense to them until about 20 years later.
25: "Yes Dear" isn't just something men say to their wives in 1960's sitcoms: it's a survival mechanism.
26. Winning an argument with your wife is losing. But this is irrelevant because achieving this is actually impossible.
27. You can be either married, or right. Not both.
28. You didn't bring enough tools to do that "quick little job". In fact, you don't OWN enough tools to do it.
(And, yes I actually am very happily married...)
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 410
211RadOp said:
This is scientific fact.
Also, the likelihood of discovering that you didn't buy enough of "X" (where "X' is a critical material necessary to finish the job) is directly proportionate to ("D' x "U") where "D' is the distance to the hardware store and "U" is the urgency of the situation (glue is setting, leak is getting worse, promised you would be done in 30 minutes ).
If you are by yourself with nobody to help you, modify by 100x.
- Reaction score
- 2,849
- Points
- 940
I would suggest that 'by yourself' is worlds better than 'overwatched by woman, tapping foot with arms crossed'pbi said:
- Reaction score
- 1,292
- Points
- 940
Think you are ready to have children?
Example:
Test 4: Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.
More at link
;D
Example:
Test 4: Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.
More at link
;D
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 430
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew & make beds, is in good health & he's already used to taking orders.
Ain't that the truth.
Ain't that the truth.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 360
;D
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