More and more funnies.. vol: something...

[a_majoor]

The origin of slang expressions and insults:

http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/douchebags-sluts-boners-the-origins-of-some-of-the-most-well-known-slang-words-insults/

 

[cupper]

Thought this was a good one.

 

[PMedMoe]

Could also go in the "Dumbest thing" thread:  Man loses life savings on carnival game

A New Hampshire man is considering suing a carnival after he lost his life savings in a ball-tossing game.

Henry Gribbohm, 30, told CBS News he lost $2,600 on a carnival game called Tubs of Fun, where contestants throw rubber balls into a tub. He was trying to win an Xbox Kinect, but all he got was an enormous plush banana with dreadlocks and a Rastafarian hat.

Gribbohm thinks the Fiesta Shows game was rigged. The balls, he said, kept popping out.

The man who ran the game, which is independently contracted, gave Gribbohm $600 back when he complained.

More at link

P.T. Barnum was right.  There is a sucker born every minute.  ;D

Here's a question: Why would you gamble $2600 for an XBox Kinect when you can buy one for about $150?  Guess math wasn't his strong suit.

Oh and he looks like a real winner too.  Doofus.  :

 

[GAP]

Strip down

When I  was in a shop the other day and ready to pay for my purchases
the  cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain  to the manager about
their security people running amok, I did just as she
had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided,
I found  out that she was referring to the correct insertion
of my credit card.

I  have since been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little
clearer!

 

[cupper]

It's not a good idea to test the Sgt. Maj. of the Army.

Sergeant Major Chandler: You Know What? Screw It, Everyone’s Gonna Wear Three Reflective Belts At All Times

http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/05/sergeant-major-chandler-you-know-what-fuck-it-everyones-gonna-wear-three-reflective-belts-during-pt/

The following is an opinion piece by Sergeant Major of the Army Raymond F. Chandler III.

You know what soldiers? I’m sick and tired of this crap.

You want to keep complaining about having to wear reflective belts? You don’t like that you have to wear the thing in Afghanistan in the middle of a combat zone? It’s not ‘cool’ to have to put that on your uniform, you say.

Well, you know what? Screw it. Everyone’s going to wear three of the flippin’ things at all times.

Yeah, you heard me. Three.

Goddamn it, these things are saving your worthless little lives.

Oh, how are you supposed to wear three reflective belts, you ask. Well, first off, I’m a Sergeant Major, so I don’t need to answer any of your questions. Second, how about you figure that stuff out yourselves? You can adapt on the battlefield, now you need to adapt with a reflective piece of plastic that keeps you from getting flattened like a goddamn pancake when a Humvee rolls by.

Don’t think it could happen? Think again.

Bagram Air Field, 2004. Soldiers just walking around, lollygagging, thinking they’re back on the block. BOOM. No reflective belt. Dead. Saw it happen, it was terrible. But you know what, with his last dying breath, that soldier told me, “Sergeant Major, if only I had been wearing my reflective belt, I would be alive. Please tell my mother I—, no, tell the other soldiers they need to be safe with reflective belts on at all times.”

Well, I’m granting that dying wish right now. You troops are going to wear your reflective belts everywhere. I don’t care whether you are doing PT, in your dress uniform, or out at the bar drinking and trying to score some late-night action, you’re going to have “three of your PPE” [personal protective equipment] around your bodies at all times.

Ok, good,  you want to keep complaining?

We’re wearing four of the goddamn things. I can go all day, soldiers. Don’t push me. If they can’t see our 0500 PT formation from the flipping Space Station, that’s a no-go. Hooah?

If I keep hearing complaints or seeing any more bull crap about how you don’t like your reflective belt — so help me. If you like the Multicam uniform, you just wait until me and the General testify before congress for the new and improved Multireflect uniform.

Don’t make me do it, soldiers.

Right now, go grab your reflective belts, and put them on. You’ll thank me later.

You heard me. Five of them.

 

[cupper]

Army Times: Military Working Dogs Smarter than Junior Officers

http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/08/army-times-military-working-dogs-smarter-than-junior-officers/

NEW YORK, NY — Military Working Dogs are more intelligent than second and first lieutenants, according to an article to be published next week in Army Times.

The article, titled “Who’s Got the Smarts?” examines groups of soldiers from different ranks, military occupation specialties, and career branches, and then orders them by intelligence.

“We factored in several things,” said Times managing editor Richard Brown, “such as test scores, writing samples, and difficulty of day-to-day tasks. Then we took the data and assigned each group a composite intelligence score.”

According to the Times, the top three smartest groups in the Army are brain surgeons, CBRN officers, and JAG Corps attorneys.

The bottom three? First lieutenants, followed closely by second lieutenants, and then military working dogs.

Pentagon sources have confirmed that in light of the article’s findings, Army brass has approved a policy to award Military Working Dogs the rank of Captain upon completion of basic dog training.

A 2009 study found that the average dog has the cognitive ability of a two-year-old child, which Brown says is perfectly in line with his publication’s rankings.

“A dog can perform basic arithmetic and can count to four or five,” Brown said. “They read body language, have an innate sense of basic fairness, and find their way through the woods. I challenge you to show me a first or second lieutenant who can do any of that.”

“To be fair,” Brown countered, “the lieutenants did display the ability to shit in a toilet and hold their bowel movements until an appropriate time, giving them a slightly higher ranking in that category than the military working dogs that haven’t been housebroken yet.”

Not everyone agrees with the findings.

“I have no doubt that every single K-9 in my unit is smarter than a PFC,” said Army Sgt. Tyrell Wiggins, a dog handler from the 503d Military Police Battalion at Ft. Bragg. “I mean, Sparky here can sniff out bombs and can follow basic commands. I’d like to see a PFC do either of those things. And sure, he sometimes eats other dogs’ shit, but you wouldn’t ever catch him buying a 2003 Mustang for $24,000 and 14 percent financing.”

Brown said it’s unfair, however, to look at one factor alone when determining intelligence. PFCs may indeed act like knuckleheads, but unlike junior officers, they aren’t innately dumb. They can eventually grow and mature, while junior officers must remain forever clueless.

“The data we have suggests that lieutenants are a special kind of stupid,” Brown said.

 

[CougarKing]

[sarcasm]FAIL. Everyone knows you steal the car on the THIRD DATE, not the first date. [/sarcasm]  ;D

link

Cops: Man steals woman’s car on 1st date

Dinner goes from bad to worse when he first skips out on restaurant bill

FERNDALE, Michigan — A first date went from bad to worse when a man skipped out on the restaurant bill, then stole his date's car, police said.

Police say 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy had dinner with a woman April 24 at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. The woman said the two met a week earlier at a Detroit casino and she knew McCoy only as "Chris."

The woman told police that McCoy said he left his wallet in her car and asked for keys. He then sped away in the 2000 Chevrolet Impala.

The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reported that police identified McCoy by a photo he'd sent to the woman's cell phone, and his phone number.

McCoy was charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

[sarcasm]FAIL. Everyone knows you steal the car on the THIRD DATE, not the first date. [/sarcasm]  ;D

link

Detroit. What can I say about the Motor City? I'm sure they have a sign at the top of the RenCen that say's 'You can't fix Stupid'.

It's what makes it worth it to go over there on a weekly basis, just to watch the carnival. The town is populated by clowns :facepalm:

 

[a_majoor]

Another sad but true item. I'm positive that you can find people who believe Facebook works like this with a very short search:

 

[cupper]

Another sad but true item. I'm positive that you can find people who believe Facebook works like this with a very short search:

What? You mean I've been liking and sharing the crap out of everything, and all I've done is wear out my track pad?

Well @#$% me.

 

[GAP]

Snopes probably has a different take on this, but I like it anyway.....

It happened in a Metro station in Montreal.

...........
There were protesters on the concourse handing out pamphlets on
the evils of Canada . I politely declined to take one.

An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young
(20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely
declined. The young protester put her hand on the woman's
shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said,
'Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?'

The elderly woman looked up at her and said,
'Honey, my father died during World War I,
I lost my husband in World War II,
I lost a son in Korea and a grandson in Afghanistan.
All fought and died so you could have the freedom to stand here and bad
mouth our country.

If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it.'


................God Bless Canada!!!

 

[PMedMoe]

Wasn't sure whether this should go here or the "dumbest thing" thread.  If you've ever watched Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, you'll know that he's hard but usually pretty bang on about his assessments.  In this episode, he didn't even get a chance.  These two are just plain nuts and completely delusional.  I think the botox has gone straight to her brain.

The Worst Company Meltdown on FB Ever  <---- Video clip at bottom of page

Also, check out their FB page and reviews on Yelp (Amy's Baking Company).  Frigging hilarious! 

What's very interesting is that apparently her real name is Amanda Patricia Bossingham and she was charged with fraud.

 

[CougarKing]

"First time "chip" offenders?  ;D

BBQ Chip Bandits "terrorize" Canadian city

 

[jollyjacktar]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business..
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,
He decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune... One evening at an
Investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
He said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
She became his stepmother......

Women are so much better at financial planning than men

 

[observor 69]

Via the RCAF Facebook page;
First Stealth-Fighter to be Relegated to the Boneyard

 

[OldSolduer]

Via the RCAF Facebook page;
First Stealth-Fighter to be Relegated to the Boneyard

I thought the first stealth fighter was the DeHavilland Mosquito?

 

[observor 69]

Now there's an interesting point. I guess it was in some ways. All that wood  :nod:

 

[Rifleman62]

Termites!

 

[Journeyman]

Soccer at its finest...

 

[Jarnhamar]