More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
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GAP said:
If they stay in there too long it will be "Blue Moon"
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Two words:
Over Compensating :
Over Compensating :
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A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
- Reaction score
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Scene from Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows where the gypsies are getting Holmes and Watson into Germany on horseback (highlight mine):
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
:rofl:
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
:rofl:
J
jollyjacktar
Guest
A Newfie walked into a bank in Toronto and asked for the loans officer. He told the loans officer that he was going to Newfoundland on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000, however he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Newfie handed over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Newfie produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Newfie for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the Newfie returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The Newfie replied: 'Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Newfie produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Newfie for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the Newfie returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The Newfie replied: 'Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
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An old video, but it still makes me snicker like a naughty schoolboy every time I see it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXPQY_VRP6M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXPQY_VRP6M
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jollyjacktar
Guest
Every time I see that one I laugh so hard it makes my guts hurt. Thanks for sharing. +300!uptheglens said:
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jollyjacktar
Guest
Stevie Starr, "The Regurgitator" from Britain's Got Talent 2010. auditionsemi final Have seen him before, he's amazing. 
J
jollyjacktar
Guest
He has a fascinating talent, honest. And all items come back dry. It's not that gross, just eye popping.PMedMoe said:
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GAP said:
So, what the hell was it? ???
Here's one. I'm sure we've met at least one of each type.
"There are three kinds of people; those who learn by reading, those who learn by observing and those who touch the fire to see if it's really hot."
;D
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Redneck Father
A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says, "Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are black."
A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says, "Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are black."
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