Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

[Pikache]

It must be something very memorable as in it was very funny, absurd, etc during your military career.

Keep it short and sweet. Also, no names, unless the person being quoted doesn‘t mind.





(Remarks with sexually connotations removed by Moderator)

 

[combat_medic]

Sweating like a ***** in church
You‘re as graceful as an octupus falling out of a helicopter.
You look like 10 pounds of $hit in a 5 pound sack
You‘re depriving a village somewhere of its idiot
I wouldn‘t cross the street to piss on your grave
There‘s nothing more dangerous than a Private with a choice or a 2nd Lieutenant with a map
(about an officer) His men wouldn‘t even follow him out of curiosity


(Remarks with sexually connotations removed by Moderator)

 

[xFusilier]

During the mandatory "hygeine" lecture:

Gentlemen, gone are the days when a tube of poly-sporin and a toilet brush would cure all your problems

 

[Danjanou]

CM, I always though it was "idle curiousity."

My personal favourite from day one of any course was:

"My name is *****. Don‘t bother remembering it because the next words you‘re going to hear are fasten seat belts, no smoking."

 

[Yeoman]

"sweating like a hungarian prostitute in a police station"
how that one made sense I‘ll never understand, but a retired Sgt always said that one to me.
"RANGE: 200, ENEMY BUS FULL OF SCHOOL CHILDREN BEING DRIVEN BY A NUN!"
again the same man. just how serious that man said it, I could not help but laugh in the middle of a carl gustav test.
Greg

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

The one I used when I wanted to give a little jab to a CP officer who was peeing us off was" ah university, another 4 years of smoking dope and badmouthing your country" [and then I looked as innocent as possible like "what?" CHEERS

 

[Garry]

Basic training, EVERY drill period:

M/Cpl: "Halt halt halt!!! ****, Shake your head"

****: shakes his head, slowly, side to side.

M/Cpl: " What do you hear, ***?"

****: "Nothing, M/Cpl"

M/Cpl "That‘s because there‘s nothing in there ****!!!!"
..................................................

M/Cpl: "As you were! ****, raise your right hand. That is NOT your right hand!!"
..................................................

I don‘t remember much about my basic training, but I remember that poor old **** couldn‘t drill for love nor money, and that we were very lucky in that out M/Cpl NEVER yelled, except during drill, and only at ****.

 

[Pikache]

"You only prove with your left hand"
(someone proves with right hand)
"Your army left."

Also used in reference to getting left and right wrong.

 

[bubba]

hey buddy by the look of the dent in your forehead,your parents must of been cousins.....

 

[Yeoman]

another one I just remembered (maybe you‘ll remember this one too RHF)
back on I think it was my SQ, yeah cuz we were hucking grenades. the stores warrant was out there calling off names
now you see my name (yeoman, duh) and well I guess he thought it was pronounced yehmen
"private yehmen"
"it‘s private yeoman warrant"
"WELL BOO *instert the f bomb* HOO!"
that man I will never forget. scariest man ever
Greg

 

[Pikache]

Hehehe. I remember that guy. One scary man.

 

[alexk]

my personal favorite one is

" If Jesus was a sargent-major you would all be going to ****"

 

[Pte. Bloggins]

Originally posted by Garry:
[qb] Basic training, EVERY drill period:

M/Cpl: "Halt halt halt!!! ****, Shake your head"

****: shakes his head, slowly, side to side.

M/Cpl: " What do you hear, ***?"

****: "Nothing, M/Cpl"

M/Cpl "That‘s because there‘s nothing in there ****!!!!"
..................................................

[/qb]

lol! I‘ve also heard another version of that, except at the end the MCpl says "it‘s because $hit sticks"

Some great ones:

-That sheet is more wrinkled then my @ss when I got out of the bathtub.
-After this inspection, you troops won‘t be able to sit down for a week.
-Don‘t piss on my face and tell me it‘s raining.
-I swear I wasn‘t talking MCpl! Yeah, well I swear alot too.

and the one favoured by by MCpls everywhere:
"Pte ******, do you love me? Why are you looking at me with love in your eyes?
(and the many variations of the above)

 

[Franko]

I‘d chime in troops but was given a warning about the swearing I‘ve done...

Oh what the heck...

SSM...."You troops march like a walkin‘ cluster "

RSM...Nothing but the best for the troops...and that‘s what they‘ll get...NOTHING! (He was mad at the CO for canning the smoker in 95)

Doing PT in 88 the course Mcpl said while doing push ups" one tubby wubby...two tubby wubby..." I was shocked when I saw Major Pain years later..he sounded just like that Mcpl! I was rolling on the floor!

Regards

 

[Garry]

Sqn pig roast, outdoors, Base Commander invited, arrived late. One Captain had drunk a little too much. Upon arrival, base Commander was met by several of the Senior guys. As the group walked up to the tent, the drunken captain came around the corner, saw the group, and hollered: (VERY loudly) "Hey Sir, any room left on yer butt for my lips?"...and promptly passed out.

True story.

 

[Spr.Earl]

Second hand mind you.

Happend in the Wack.

Base Chief (Sapper)who was a down homer
saw a Sapper walking on the grass.

Loud voice "Git off the grass and I don‘t mean the stuff you smoke!"

Or;

Inspecting the rank‘s from the rear.
Does it hurt?
No Sgt.
Well it should!!
Get a F‘n hair cut!!

 

[Foxhound]

Just thought of one:

"PRIVATE! If brains were C-4, you wouldn‘t have enough to blow your nose!"

 

[RCA]

The guners in the audience will understand this one:

Few years ago in Shilo during the summer, one of the Arty crses taught 2Lt how to be Lts (Recce O,CPO & GPO).

One day one of the officer candidates decided to take down the director and race back to the recce veh eager and ready for the next deployment. Unfortunatly the the guns had not finished their check bearing.

As the young officer (probably a Maj or LCol by now) was running across the field with the director tuck under his arm, one of the Number 1s was heard to yell at him in a voice heard clear across the gun position.

"What do you do for an encore, $hit on your hatbadge!"

 

[Lexi]

"Remember boys - flies spread disease..
So keep yours closed."

 

[chrisf]

Originally posted by Pte. Bloggins:
[qb]
and the one favoured by by MCpls everywhere:
"Pte ******, do you love me? Why are you looking at me with love in your eyes?
(and the many variations of the above) [/qb]

I heard that one back-fire on a sergeant once... took him a second or two to recover...

My father‘s old favorite line was "Don‘t f‘ing look at me, I‘m shy!"