- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 430
Fondling in bed
More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
- Start date
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
A guy and a girl meet at a bar……
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands
He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:
"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with an inflated ego, says: "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies:....
"Didn't feel a thing."
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands
He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:
"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with an inflated ego, says: "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies:....
"Didn't feel a thing."
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
SLEEPING WITH DAVE
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Dave, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Dave and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Dave snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Dave shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, slightly older biker, a real man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Dave into bed, patted him on the arse and kissed him good night on the lips. Dave sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
______________________________________
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Dave, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Dave and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Dave snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Dave shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, slightly older biker, a real man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Dave into bed, patted him on the arse and kissed him good night on the lips. Dave sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
______________________________________
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't! “
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't! “
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it
And to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it
And to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Men Are Just Happier People
Eye In The Sky
Army.ca Legend
- Reaction score
- 3,780
- Points
- 1,160
Back blast area not clear!!!
- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 430
VASECTOMY
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.
When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.
While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?
The nurse responds, "They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care."
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.
When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.
While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?
The nurse responds, "They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care."
- Reaction score
- 13
- Points
- 530
If there are any musicians on the board, they may appreciate this 
- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 430
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? ?
Do you know that when a woman wears
a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry ,
he gets weak in the knees,
and he thinks irrationally ?
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells
like a
N e w T r u ck!
Do you know that when a woman wears
a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry ,
he gets weak in the knees,
and he thinks irrationally ?
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells
like a
N e w T r u ck!
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
A tearful Gary Bettman apologized to hockey fans today for forcing them to
undergo a 3-month lockout. Although he understood how the fans felt about
being deprived of their favorite pastime, he pointed out that, had he not
done what he did, by the end of the decade, the average salary of an NHL
player might well approach that of a native leader, making hockey as we know
it unsustainable!
undergo a 3-month lockout. Although he understood how the fans felt about
being deprived of their favorite pastime, he pointed out that, had he not
done what he did, by the end of the decade, the average salary of an NHL
player might well approach that of a native leader, making hockey as we know
it unsustainable!
Retired AF Guy
Army.ca Veteran
- Reaction score
- 925
- Points
- 1,160
Newest TV program from the CBC:
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
The C-130J is flown by two pilots and a computer. Earlier model Hercs had four aircrew in the “front office”.
Many years ago on a C-130 mission to Bangkok, an intell officer asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were. She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the aircraft commander he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the co-pilot and asked "Well lieutenant, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the aircraft commanders sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The aircraft commander has told me that when he wants my fucking advice, he'll ask."
Many years ago on a C-130 mission to Bangkok, an intell officer asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were. She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the aircraft commander he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the co-pilot and asked "Well lieutenant, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the aircraft commanders sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The aircraft commander has told me that when he wants my fucking advice, he'll ask."
- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 430
Had to share this one.
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
Romantic Canadian Husband.
Man said to his wife "Alright you sexy thing, upstairs now"
She looked at him and said "Ooh, you kinky bastard"
He said "No, seriously, hockey is starting, bugger off”
Man said to his wife "Alright you sexy thing, upstairs now"
She looked at him and said "Ooh, you kinky bastard"
He said "No, seriously, hockey is starting, bugger off”
- Reaction score
- 1,401
- Points
- 1,160
TO WHOM DOES THE LAND OF ISRAEL BELONG??
An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the
United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want
to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it
brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a
bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and
shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there
then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech."
An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the
United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want
to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it
brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a
bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and
shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there
then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech."
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