Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

[Dilea_Gu_Bas]

Heres a few...
1)
-"Oh my God!!!!    You troops are moving slower than Molases on a cold winter day..."
-"Are you trying to steal the training area?"
-"I can't hear a word you just said...  beacuse of the wind is blowing so hard btwn you God **** legs!!!"


2)
Troop gets pushups...

Instructor: after about 35 pushups.. "are you gettin tired Pte?"
Pte: Hesitates for 20 secs.. sweating profusely then finally blurts...  "Yes Mcpl"
Instructor: What!?! Bull S*** ,You dont get tired you're a machine!!! Give me another 25!!! 
Pte: Yes Mcpl!!!!!
...25 pushups later...  Pte is holding the position....
Instructor comes back...
Instructor: So are you tired Pte?
Pte: F**** no Mcpl I'm a machine!!!
Instructor: Oh really,  then tell me...  why is the machine shaking??


(Comments with overt sexual connotations removed by Moderator)

 

[Pearson]

left hand --- right hand
milk hand---sandwich hand

 

[Old Ranger]

I love this one - have no idea if its true or not.  Back in the mid-80's while I was attending PPCLI Battle School this story went through my platoon...

During the Platoon Warrants inspection the WO stopped in front of one of the troops and pointed his pacestick into the Pte's chest and said "There's a piece of **** at the end of this stick troop!!"  To which the very ballsy Pte said "Not at my end Warrant!!"

The WO left immediately, apparently trying really hard not to laugh.

True or not, I loved it.

Cheers  

AbsAbsolutelyue....But it was" Cpl*****; Do you see a piece of S**t on the end of my pace stick".  I looked down, then up and said....
The WO and 2 Sgts took off down the hall into the laundry room to try and mask the laflaughterDid quite well on the rest of my CLC.

 

[Danjanou]

You need to get Muskrat to regale you with the cracks the DS made on his CLC, including Sgt Gargoyle.

When I first arrived in Newfoundland and the 1st Bn RNFLDR in 1981we had an old crusty RSS warrant officer Duff Lemoine from the RCRs. Duff was old school walk on water type of WO and woe the young Cpl like me who ran afoul of him. He was originally from the â Å“rockâ ? and had earned the MM in Korea, and this was to be his retirement posting.

Now the unit at the time also had a Cpl who was a third generation Chinese Canadian. First time I met him I thought the guys were pulling a fast one on me because he spoke with a thick bayman accent.

Anyway we're out on and FTX and screw up some how and that incurred the wrath of old Duffer.

He has us all heels locked together and is running up one side of us and down the other. The final line was â Å“You, you (expletive deleted) you all move like a bunch of (expletive deleted) Chinamen..... oops sorry about that Cpl Ping. He then slunk off, tirade finished, well we tried to keep a straight face until he was out of earshot. Ken Ping being a great guy was laughing hardest of all.

 

[Polish Possy]

I have one from shop class

Teacher : I only have 2 rules the first is wear safety glasses at all times, and the second ....don't cut off any fingers, hands or arms because I hate doing paper work.

 

[Old Ranger]

What a way to train a military...And I'll tell you what. The reputation of the Cdn Forces as a well-trained army is going to become a thing of the past if this PC garbage keeps up!

Does anyone else see anything wrong with that?

QL3 crse back in early 90's. The new don't swear at candidates came out.  Our crse Sgt came out with a dictionary in his hands and took over the troop from me.  He then held up the dictionary stating it was the one authorized by the CAF. " Under the second definition of the word C**t; it means Undesirable person(s).....So when I refer to you C***s as C***'s ; you will remember that I am referring to the second meaning."  We were still able to swear at inanimate objects and probably went overboard...not too much of course.

 

[Polish Possy]

Is it to hard ?
No sir. it is easy I am just stupid

You people are like slinkies I have no use for you but if you were to fall down a flight of stairs you would make me smile

 

[Edward Campbell]

On parade, Junior NCO Course, 1961:

"¢ Sergeant to A/LCpl X - "X, you 'orrible, diseased, bag o' sh!t!  How did you ever get to be a lance bloody corporal?â ?

"¢ A/LCpl X to Sergeant: "Worked me way up through the ranks, Sergeant!â ?

Same course, same A/LCpl, this time the company commander:

"¢ OC: "LCpl X, what in the name of all that's holy ever persuaded you to join my army?â ?

"¢ A/LCpl X: "Well, Sir; I were walkin' down the street in St. Johns and I seen this big sign: 'Free beds and boots for everyone!' and here I is.â ?

 

[Polish Possy]

I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

 

[Reccesoldier]

So I'm walking into Disney Land on the Rideau and there is this Colonel standing like a sack of **** at the bus stop with his hands in his pockets.

Being especially fed up with the state of dress in NDHQ I salute him.

Colonel: "Sgt, this isn't a saluting area."

Me: "Yes sir, but that's the only way I could get you to take your hands out of your pockets."

The silence was deafening

 

[Reccesoldier]

Hmmmm. there are so many memorable ones

He's not thick, he's soundproof


Instructor on my UCI course. "Will anyone here get offended if I swear?"

No protest from the students

Instructor: "Good, because if you took Fu<k out of my vocabulary and Kraft Dinner off the menu I'd fu$king starve to death and I wouldn't be able to fu<king tell anyone"

 

[bigbopper365]

one particular bright pte one day was getting the gears from our m/cpl: pvt bloggins are you some kind of sexual intellectual? i dont understand m/cpl, i said are you some kind of f'n know it all  :blotto:

 

[sgt_mandal]

Cpl, if that's your double time, make it triple time!!!......hehe couldn't resist....

 

[assault pnr]

1. Course WO to Platoon during parade practise and getting really PO'd at our performance: "I'm going to go home, get a peice of tail from my wife, and I'm going to come back and torture you f&*ks in the morning"

2. 1 VP RSM is conducting change of command parade practice at Currie Barracks in Calgary.  An apparently clueless member decides this is a good time to take a short-cut across the parade square at the far side.  RSM vision kicks in and the conversation go's like this:

RSM: You! Halt! What the hell are you doing on my parade sqare!

Clueless: Do you know who the hell I am!

RSM: No!

Clueless: Good.

At this, the member ran off, and nobody ever did find out who it was.

 

[Black Watch]

another few:
1) on C7 training: I will show how to get those chunks out of your barrel.
2)on the same day, same nco: "When you drop your rifle, you have to fall on the ground as hard as your rifle did." And he went on with a demonstration, trew his rifle on the psq, tehn threw himself on the psq and broke an elbow;
3)on Environnemental course: I:Hey guys, were like greenpeace...dressed in green and unarmed(back when we had those od combats on BMQ)Sgt: what did you say, mr $hithead? I: We are greenpeace, sgt!Sgth well, today, we are going to Mont-Royal to pick up branches...

 

[FormerHorseGuard]

well I have a few quotes to offer.

working at LFCA HQ back in the early  90s when it was at Base Toronto stiill

the HQAU ADM O was coming back from the officers mess earlyone morning , stoped a young priavte on the bridge and asked why hie was he did not salute him. after all he was a Captain in full dress blue airforce suit. the private looked at his watched and said SIr it not 0800 yeat and kept on walking towards the base hq .

but my fav quote was from basic training  we had a ex airborne MCPL  then Sgt in the Unit, he was the scary man. He was always telling us really bad hollywood type lines 
when he sent us some where, he would say " all i want to see is elbows and assholes " as you run and we reply  under our breather"you be the ******* , we will be the elbows" he heard us once....that  is another story



(Comments with overt sexual connotations removed by Moderator)

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello,

this is not mine but it is one that my bf heard while he wasin the BMQ

-pain is only weakness leaving the body-
                                                unknown

i thought that this quore suited his situation well...

 

[Gill557]

Drill Class during IAP:

"Dig your heels in. I wanna hear Paris 1940."

Gotta love Marching Class  ;D

 

[Compter]

Back in basic my instructor used this one;

"If you were any more stupid, I'd have to water you twice a day"

I loved that one. Always cracked me up.

 

[Young KH]

You're so stupid, that you are happy