Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

[backinblack]

CFRS Cornwallis 8824 7 Platoon -


RCR MCpl (No-names-no-pack-drill):  "Preston!!!"

Me:  "Yes, Master Corporal!"

RCR MCpl:  "Where did me and your mother ever go wrong!!?"


;D  LOL!

 

[backinblack]

CFRS Cornwallis 8824 7 Platoon -


Said to a recruit in 3 squad who shall remain nameless:

"LORD TUNDRIN...    Lad - I've seen skid marks before, but THIS looks like a NINE-CAR PILEUP!!!!


>

 

[aesop081]

I'm going to hi-jack this thread.

The BEST sayings I ever heard were from Sgt. Major Leclair, RCR, Battleschool in Petawawa

That man has to be known CF wide.   Any Leclair stories would be classic.

I.... fear the man so much, I'm not typing them out!!!
(and.. they're pretty obscene!)

Holy crapy, i havent heard that name in a long time..

I remember one day he was talking about something or other and mid sentence he forgot what he was talking about....his lips were going up and down and just , out of the blue , started to go on about hair cuts !!

He was the poster child for alzeimer's !!

Sorry for the hijack

 

[Highland Lad]

This may not exactly match the thread title, but I remember one memorable jacking-up...

The other instructors and I had gone out the evening before for a few beverages... I was the crse duty wog the next AM, so I called it quits fairly early. Others continued until the wee hours.

Morning rolls around, and one of the other sec comds and I are conducting AM inspection, and he's really getting into one of the candidates for uniform issues - within six inches of his face, using his 'instructor voice' and going on about the issues and what will be done to resolve them.

Finally, the Sec Comd asks the candidate "Do you have any questions, Pte XXXXX?"

The candidate blinks, and says "Canadian, Master Corporal?"

Thank God the inspection was basically over at that point! I managed to make it out the door without killing myself with laughter, and was (rightly) part of the receiving end of a lecture on deportment from the Crse O.

I will say, though, that the instructors on that course were very careful to check each other over very thoroughly before morning inspections after that!

 

[Trinity]

"How far are you from a COMPLETE IDIOT, Atkins?"

"About six inches, sergeant."

Reminds me of when we were filling in our trenches on JLC in 98... the
trench has to be 6 inches higher/full of dirt.. cause it will settle and leave
a small ditch..

now.. we all know you can't fill it up properly.. but..

Sgt. comes by...  Hey, do either of you have girlfriends?

A.  um. Yes.

Sgt.  Well you must by lying to them, cause judging by the extra dirt you
put on top of your trench, you sure as hell can't tell what 6 inches is...

 

[backinblack]

Army "urban legend" from way back...


During Parade inspection, RSM halts in front of a soldier, turns to face him, and pokes his pacestick into the soldier's chest:

RSM:  "Soldier - do you know what's on the end of this stick?"

Soldier:  "No Sir!"

RSM:  "There's s**t on the end of this stick!!!"

Soldier:  "Not on this end, Sir!"

RSM:  "Good Answer!  Carry on... "

 

[Sappo]

oh boy... yours are much better than mine... but its one of those things i think, when formed up during inspection or what have you... that any remark the least bit funny will send at least one or two people chuckling down the line.


one of the best thus far for me was during inspection, our lt. decided to do it as opposed to mcpl or sgt...... he's doing 4 sec infront of me, and yanks a pen from a pvt's pocket.. obviously unimpressed it was exposed.

lt: pvt have you ever seen a wee pen?

pvt: a wee pen sir?

lt: WEEEEE! (as he tosses the pen over his shoulder into the air)

now it might not seem very funny here, but man it make half out platoon crack up on the spot.


i've heard various remarks while doing things, usually a course cpl or mcpl...

cpl: you people move like old people fuck!

cpl: you people are slower than the second coming of christ!


we had a good sgt give us a lecture on hygeine in the field... his favorite remark was

"if you are _____ you are dead"

usually it related to dirty, unclean... etc.

he made sure to tell us if we were in the field with him, and unwashed he would make sure we were dead



i'm sure I have more, can't think of them right now

 

[Trinity]

I love WEE pens...

I used that a few times... but you can't just indescrimanetly throw them.

We had a cpl rip apart someones webbing cause it was only attached by the
velcro.  As she was tossing the webbing bits out the mod tent, she hit the guy
standing at the end like 3 times before she realized it.

She could have got in alot of trouble... but the recruit didn't care he was
hit with a mag pouch ... it didn't hurt. 

And.. as much as i want to.. I still dont' have the guts to tell any CSM LeClair stories,
though I hear he's a Capt. now with a CIC unit.

Run kids.. RUN

 

[leopard11]

heard a sergeant a meaford use this on a Pte....

"Holy shit Private, what is it that you dont understand , do you want me to write it on my P***s (part of the male anatomy if u dont get it) and F**k it into you!"

 

[career_radio-checker]

One of my BMQ MCpls was parading us around during lunch hour because we had been late for our timmings. Thing was, he was getting over a nasty throat infection and his voice was cracking like a 13 yr old choir boy.  

We were supposed to get the full nine-yards of the pacing stick up our hiney-holes but we couldn't stop howling every time the MCpl called a command in his Mickey voice.

 

[Sappo]

ya... throat colds are always good times...

cpl: i can stand here yelling out drill ALL night troops!


5 minutes later, while yelling out a command his voice just gives out and a squeek comes out.

best thing you've ever heard

 

[dutchie]

I love these good one-liners as much as the next guy (or girl), but I noticed some of them are right out of famous movies.

Nothing makes an instructor look like a bigger tool than quoting from a war movie. Movie quotes are for recruits to recite over beers in JD's or over a tin of Kiwi polish while getting ready for tomorrows inspection. So if your gonna use these, make sure it's not from a movie.

But keep em' comin! The one about 'fu**ing it into ya' brought back some memories from basic. Ah, Wainwright......

:warstory:

During inspection, our Section Cdr would (of course) find some piece of dirt, water, etc and would lose it on the nearest unlucky SOB, and it was always the most distgusting thing he had ever seen.....

Instructor tips canteen upside down, and a dribble of water comes out and hits floor." What the f*ck is that Bloggins?" "It's water MCpl!" "Water left OVERNIGHT in your canteen? That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! No beer for this Section this weekend!"

 

[BDG.CalgHighrs]

Best thing about on-course c*ck is coming up with suitabley smart answers that land your whole section with 'remedial training'.

 

[Jonny Boy]

i don't care what anyone says. so far the best jacking up of soldiers i have ever seen is on full metal jacket. i know it is just a movie but the gunnery SGT did not have a script. he made it all up as he went.

i cant wait to join the military. than i may have some good ones that i will hear.

 

[Sappo]

yea... in an interview with hartman he said he didnt even know what a reacharound was at the time, but figured it fit pretty good

 

[Jonny Boy]

lol

i just love how they picked the spokesman for the Young marines for the part. i went to camp last summer with a guy from the young marines that knew him

 

[Pte. Bloggins]

Anyone who was on my BMQ/SQ will remember this, as it was one of THE course stories that everyone enjoyed telling.

RSM inspection. The RSM's inspecting the token Russian troop on our course, and, on opening up the butt of his rifle, demands to know the whereabouts of said rifle's cleaning kit. The exchange went something like this:

RSM: Pte. ******, where is your cleaning kit?

Pte: In the butt of my rifle sir!

RSM: No, it's not here.

Pte: (now, you have to picture this with the ultimate Russian accent): That's impossible!

All the instructors' mouths dropped open in unison...

 

[chrisf]

If it's the Russian fellow I'm thinking about, pretty much everyone in the comm-res has heard at least one story about him...

 

[atticus]

That reminds me of a russian on my SQ. It was during the winter and he was a little bit late getting to the armouries to go. So when we got to the training area he was called to go see the RSM (this wasn't the first time he was late) and he decided to show them all what he did to save time: off go his combat pants to the horror of everybody who could see only to find that he was still wearing civie clothes underneath.

Here's another from basic:

Sgt (after finding somekind of medical cream): Pte, do you have herpes or something?
Pte: Yes, Sgt.
Sgt: What?
Pte: My mom was a whore before I was born Sgt.

That was then the end of the inspection for that area of the room.

 

[Franko]

Ahhhh.....CSM LeClair    ;D

Got one from a while back....

Lecturing the troops on JrNCO to pay attention to detail and to set the example.....

I noticed his right epaulete (old ODs) was flipped upside down   

Didn't have the heart to pick him up on it 

....he'd probably tear me a new one 

Regards