- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 160
I'd figure I'd drop back and post a update. My biggest dilemma now is memory. It may be due to not sleeping still, nightmares etc. Panic attacks have lessened quite a bit. I occasionally" bunker down" meaning avoiding people....hiding out in my basement. However overall I've been doing pretty good.
I have avoided TCAT/PCAT, while I know I will need it maybe at some point my work environment and superiors ahe been taking such good care of me I can honestly say "restrictions" are really not needed. The only thing I have expressed to them is I have a real bad memory and have a real hard time kicking myself out of bed in the morning. Having completed many large projects dealing with civilian companies etc to this point they are pleased with my work, and I have a carde blanc to sleep in etc if it happens. Not that I would ever use it...although its been dam tempting some mornings.
I was looking into many medical OT's, compassionate postings etc. Turns out all I needed to do was ask my CoC. I laid it all out on the line. I want to get better and serve, however I dont want to lose my rank and start over again. I asked for an impossiable posting and they are looking into making it happen for me.
One thing I have learned is most of my feeling trapped and depressed about my current situation has been self inflicted. Being "old school" I didnt really believe in asking for what I wanted...but do as the army asks of me and soldier on. While many of us older guys sit around and complain about so and so getting a gucci posting....none of us expressed interest.
having said that I laid out a multiple action plan to my CoC. From one end of the spectrim going "away" for a few years to sort my @#$% out up to med release and doing it on civi side. I also expressed my willingness to continue to serve. I think my reputation as being hardworking has finally paid off in my career.
Still seeing my shrink once a week. He dont think Im balanced out enough to start the trauma treatment yet. However I've discovered a lot about myself through the process so far. Apparently I'm a highly visual thinker...and apparently I shoudl get into paintng. Who would have thunk it. Makes sence why my patrol reports were always described as extremely descriptive.=0)
I've also found that a lot of my anger is against incompetance and my judgement of others actions as what I precieved as causing incidents i nwhich i will not get into on a open forum.
Guelph has been an option I have been considering, however I dont feel it is needed. Having siad that I have spoken to a member who has spent 4 months there and he said it was nothing but excellent treatment...and cute nurses. However I dont think its te right option for me.
So basically Im waiting for higher CoC to make the decision on what action they will support. I'm hoping they will because I believe I still have a lot to offer my unit, but right now I'm burnt out.
It's starting to effect my family. Which is something I've always said about putting my family first....yet it's really hard with my army mentality to put it into action. And honestly if not for my shrink putting things into prespective I may have not asked the CoC for support.
As far as I'm concerned PTSD for me doesnt mean a carde blanche of turning into a shit show. And we have all seen that happen. I would highly recommend anyone who is having issus come forward with it and NEVER try and hide it. Suddenly you'll have a drug problem of in trouble with the law ontop of a serious mental wound. One thing I did do right was get treatment. Honestly dealing with addictions ontop of theis B/S would be unimaginable.
So I plug away do my job at the highest standard possiable. If that means leaving work for a hour during normal hours and coming back after work thats what Ido. If I start to feel overwhealmed I delegate some of my tasks down. Wile I should be able to complete all work given to me I reconise my limitations and the abilities of those around me to complete any task given. Which in the end gets the job doen, my 2IC a good PER and keeps me from slipping.
Supervisors who want to talk with me on how to deal with these per's in their CoC the best way please feel free to PM me. I have dealth with suicidle per's to people who are a total rightoff. Stuff they dont teach on a 6A. Feel free to drop me a line.
I have avoided TCAT/PCAT, while I know I will need it maybe at some point my work environment and superiors ahe been taking such good care of me I can honestly say "restrictions" are really not needed. The only thing I have expressed to them is I have a real bad memory and have a real hard time kicking myself out of bed in the morning. Having completed many large projects dealing with civilian companies etc to this point they are pleased with my work, and I have a carde blanc to sleep in etc if it happens. Not that I would ever use it...although its been dam tempting some mornings.
I was looking into many medical OT's, compassionate postings etc. Turns out all I needed to do was ask my CoC. I laid it all out on the line. I want to get better and serve, however I dont want to lose my rank and start over again. I asked for an impossiable posting and they are looking into making it happen for me.
One thing I have learned is most of my feeling trapped and depressed about my current situation has been self inflicted. Being "old school" I didnt really believe in asking for what I wanted...but do as the army asks of me and soldier on. While many of us older guys sit around and complain about so and so getting a gucci posting....none of us expressed interest.
having said that I laid out a multiple action plan to my CoC. From one end of the spectrim going "away" for a few years to sort my @#$% out up to med release and doing it on civi side. I also expressed my willingness to continue to serve. I think my reputation as being hardworking has finally paid off in my career.
Still seeing my shrink once a week. He dont think Im balanced out enough to start the trauma treatment yet. However I've discovered a lot about myself through the process so far. Apparently I'm a highly visual thinker...and apparently I shoudl get into paintng. Who would have thunk it. Makes sence why my patrol reports were always described as extremely descriptive.=0)
I've also found that a lot of my anger is against incompetance and my judgement of others actions as what I precieved as causing incidents i nwhich i will not get into on a open forum.
Guelph has been an option I have been considering, however I dont feel it is needed. Having siad that I have spoken to a member who has spent 4 months there and he said it was nothing but excellent treatment...and cute nurses. However I dont think its te right option for me.
So basically Im waiting for higher CoC to make the decision on what action they will support. I'm hoping they will because I believe I still have a lot to offer my unit, but right now I'm burnt out.
It's starting to effect my family. Which is something I've always said about putting my family first....yet it's really hard with my army mentality to put it into action. And honestly if not for my shrink putting things into prespective I may have not asked the CoC for support.
As far as I'm concerned PTSD for me doesnt mean a carde blanche of turning into a shit show. And we have all seen that happen. I would highly recommend anyone who is having issus come forward with it and NEVER try and hide it. Suddenly you'll have a drug problem of in trouble with the law ontop of a serious mental wound. One thing I did do right was get treatment. Honestly dealing with addictions ontop of theis B/S would be unimaginable.
So I plug away do my job at the highest standard possiable. If that means leaving work for a hour during normal hours and coming back after work thats what Ido. If I start to feel overwhealmed I delegate some of my tasks down. Wile I should be able to complete all work given to me I reconise my limitations and the abilities of those around me to complete any task given. Which in the end gets the job doen, my 2IC a good PER and keeps me from slipping.
Supervisors who want to talk with me on how to deal with these per's in their CoC the best way please feel free to PM me. I have dealth with suicidle per's to people who are a total rightoff. Stuff they dont teach on a 6A. Feel free to drop me a line.