Unfortunately, MARS, that is one of the biggest "apples and oranges" comparison I have seen in a while.
In my 32 yes of service, I have held 9 different ranks. Absolutely no one has ever been challenged to address me by how I identified at that particular moment in time.
Fist of all, your family name and rank is not how you identified at that particular moment. It's how the CAF identified you, and to make sure everyone could instantly get it, they gave you rank badges and name tags, which every member has been taught to read. But walking downtown Halifax at night in civvies, members who did not otherwise know you would not have been able to get it right. People outside the military don't wear badges saying "My preferred pronoun is xxx", yet when you meet them at random and improperly address them based on their outlook (apparently male and dressed like a male, for instance), they get all insulted.
I have concurrently held an even greater number of appointments at various ranks. And, as the old adage goes: "Every clown in this outfit has a rank and a last name, but only certain people in a unit are given appointments, and it is a mark of respect to address them by their appointment". Again, absolutely no one has been challenged to address me by how I identified at any particular moment in time while I held those appointments.
I have my doubts on this one. If you had said no one in those units at the time had been challenged, I would have agreed. Even then, it would only be because the actual appointments have a specific existence that is taught to the military members, thus they now the name of the appointment (CO, XO, Navo, DeckO, etc.) and they were either there when they knew you had been appointed to the position, or joined after and were told who you were, appointment wise. Members from outside your unit may not know and would not address you as such until they found out (if I am sent to another ship to hand something over to the Deck O, I wouldn't know who the person is if five Lieutenants come out of the wardroom at the same time. But again, here, this is NOT how YOU identified at that moment , but rather how the CAF identified you, within a system that is known and taught to all members.
While I was a Commanding Officer of an HMC ship, it is also customary to identify me as "the Captain" instead of "the Commanding Officer". This isn't something that is taught, it is simply something that is known. Again, never come across a mentally challenged person who was unable to address me appropriately at that moment in time.
Actually, that is taught - through osmosis like most customs - as new members do not instinctively and out of the blue come up with that. They learn it by seeing that the longer serving members use that form of address. And it is not something universal. I suspect, for instance, that most CAF members who have not had a chance to serve with the USN wouldn't know that in their navy, they call the CO "Skipper" instead.
Post-Command, I have held additional, completely unrelated appointments simultaneously- being double-hatted as it is known. I fully expect someone to address me by whatever double-hatted appointment I was holding, depending on the nature of their query. Again, no issues,. Ever. Because our members, by and large, aren't that dumb.
That is not my experience. Outside of ships, wether on base, at a military school or at HQ, I don't remember any of us using our position/appointments as form of address. When I was at fleet school, we addressed the Commandant Fleet School As Captain Davies. At HQ, we used ranks and name to address one another - we would not call someone by position, such as "SO Plans, can I talk to you" (I am from before the N1 ...N7 etc. days).
None of this again is because our members are not stupid, as opposed to civilians that are outside of a structured organization and wear no distinctive marks, but because IT IS a structured system, with clear identifier, that is taught to all members from day one, and how you are identified is NOT your own choice but rather imposed on you and all members by the said organization.
