Anyone who could help please read and help me out at this situation.

[Red-Water.06]

I would like to openly apologize for my behaviour before, I know that I did sound quite idiotic and and I admit at some points that I was. I respect you members of the forces and veterans who probably have seen what 'combat' is and you trying to help me by convincing me not to see it. Trust me I know, I myself have a relative who has been in a great war and he hates talking about it and he espicially dislikes to hear that someone is wishing to experience it. I do understand why but I would like to see it myself and see how foolish I was now. Some of the posts that I've written are also miscommunication, while I was writing someone already wrote soemthing, I admit my fault for not reading before posting my thoughts. I thank you all for your support and help. I would like to ask if you could help me concentrate on my main topic which is what to do at my situation. Another thing that I would like to apologize for is that annoying the readers with around 20 30 posts that are not related to the topic. I personally know someone who's written a post just in wrong words(not on this board though) and with wrong thoughts describing himself almost alike 'a raving nut case'. He's got a pretty awful reputation with local police office and officers from it and is being accused of planning for school shoot-out. I just wanted to make sure that doesn't happen to me because that is exactly not what i was intending for. I didn't want to sound like some person who likes to see combat experience because I watched a movie about it, played game about it. I wanted to make my point that I want to see this because '...' Thanks for your time and help I again apologize for my behaviour before. (I've been a 7 years old kid)
Also thanks for unlocking the topic.