Your Funniest/ Favorite War Stories

[Yeoman]

Fusilier; I remember being told about those stories the day after it happend. you guys sure got bored in one platoon.
We had one guy in my platoon, just a complete phsyco when it comes to training. He was in one section. The one night all the tent was closed up and you hear a scream of "WHAT THE *insert friendly word here* WAS THAT?!?", and sure enough one of coons got into the tent, and the guy from one section jumps in there with a stick and a flashlight, chasing the coon all around the tent. Man that was something.
Hey Fusilier, remember the time on the range for the BIQ when we slept on it? I was doing morning piquet, and I swear maybe it was sleep deprevation, but I saw like 20 coons come out of the forest. I got up half frozen, and chased those things for the rest of my shift before I had to go around and wake you guys up. My buddy just sat there flabergasted at the amount of coons that just appeared from the trees.
Greg

 

[Pikache]

Hahahaha. I passed out during that range weekend. I don‘t think I had a fire picket shift.

I think few drunken sleeping with people we shouldn‘t stories would liven up this thread more.

 

[Danjanou]

You first RHF

Slim Franko here‘s another one I just remembered and quickly typed about the same officer. (Hey I can sacrifice part of my lunch hour for the boys overseas)

A few years after my swamp recce incident we were in Gagetown for MilCon. I'd actually made WO and been in Aldershot instructing and joined the unit in the field. The CSM grabbed me and gave me the good news the CQMS was stuck out in Wainwright, and guess who was acting CQ for the next two weeks.

Our Coy and BHQ were co-located in the same biv area near WTP. Second last day there, it came over the net Endex. For us that meant tear down, prep for the smoker that night, and then a hung over flight on the Herc home the next day.

Now in the RNFLDR everyone works, especially when the drinking don't start until all the work is done. I'm running around like a chicken with his head cut off in a T-shirt, still cammed up with my SMG still slung over my shoulder hoping that I can get a chance to clean my wpn and get a wash before the fun starts, when I see this Iltis pull up.

Out pops this Major in crisp pressed starched combats and spit shined boots. I know the driver, so I put down the cases of beer I'm offloading and stacking and wander over and ask who's the new guy. The Major is just standing there hands on hips on hips and a â Å“I'm disgusted with the whole situationâ ? look on his face.

The Driver whispers that he's the new RSS staff officer assigned to Nfld Mil District
(pre Bde days). Rather then wait until we get home, he's rushed halfway across Atlantic Canada just to fly home with us.

Anyway he gives me the â Å“Get the **** outta my way privateâ ? look, remember I'm filthy and have no rank showing. And starts to walk towards the biv.

Just then our CO comes wandering out. He's dirty, still cammed up, unshaven and has an unlit smoke shoved in his mouth. He's also wearing his helmet, strap undone and a rain jacket, so no rank showing.

Now I should point out that our beloved CO, and I do mean that seriously, the boys would follow him anywhere, was a chain smoker. Even non smokers like me ended up carrying a pack because he was always running out.

He winks at the driver and I, wanders over to the Major, smiles and says. â Å“Hey bud gotta light?â ?

The Major went about 30 shades of crimson and when he got his composure back (almost) screamed back. â Å“I'm Major ******* ********. Who the (insert naughty short expletive here) are you soldier!â ?

The boss smiled and calmly answered. â Å“I'm Lt. Col ******, your new boss. So how about it, gotta light?â ?

It took every bit of self control to stop from laughing until I'd snuck back into the woods.

 

[Franko]

BBWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

Ah yes the good old days of the SMGs and FNs. When we were treated like adults. The district system was firmly in place(Res Brig were wishful thinking) and smokin‘ and drinkin‘ were the reward for a hard days work. Pulling tiller bars in a Lynx while opening beers was considered an art.

Ah the GOOD ol‘ days......I miss ‘em

Regards

 

[Yeoman]

haha you probably got more experience of telling stories of my buddy in my unit then you would fusilier (you know exactly who I‘m talking about you just pmed me about him!)
how he accomplishes some of his feats I will never truly understand.
Greg

 

[Pikache]

Actually, marauder knows him too.

But only story involving ourselves is the unofficial rule of this thread?

 

[Franko]

General stories that you witnessed. No second hand ones please.

Regards

 

[Yeoman]

heck no, he‘s my closest drinking buddy I got, he wouldn‘t care that all much anyways.
I‘ll try and tell the story as best as I can.
Fusilier was on the DP2A with my one buddy that‘s in my unit.
Well they get leave for the weekend, and decide to reak havoc on Owen Sound by going and doing a drinking bend. And well this guy is NOTORIOUS for doing absolutely insane things while drunk. Fist-fights, breaking stuff that shouldn‘t be humanly possible to break, and like any classic drunk, passing over the hot chick for the.......other one. Anyways.

So they‘re all out drinking, and he just dissapears. On the way out there was this guy that started lipping off to him. He decided that he heard enough and proceded to beat the living tar out of him. All the guys come running out trying to find *******, and they find the guy that just got beat on by him. Someone asked what happend to him and all they got out of him was "I don‘t know, some short guy in a flower shirt just beat the **** out of me" ****** realised who he was talking about and attempted to find *******. But could not.

******* was out and about on the town, and found a wedding reception, which he proceded to crash. eventually someone realised that he did not belong there, and 4 guys "pleasantly" escorted him out of the building, but he wouldn‘t go as nicely as planned. Eventually they get him out of the building.

Noticing that he had to be back at the base at some point in time, ******* decided to walk back to the base. He got very tired and decided to sleep it off in the ditch. A drunk man sleeping in a ditch never works, he some how gets into a cow field, and passed out on a pile of cow manuere. ******* wakes up later and now being somewhat sober, decides to walk the rest of the way to the base.

It‘s about 1 pm when he finally gets back in the tent lines, smelling horrid, and no one having a clue where he was for a good 12 hours.
that‘s the story I got fusilier, I have no idea how accurate it is, but that‘s the story I got.
Greg

 

[FutureTroopie]

Originally posted by Yeoman:
[qb]******* was out and about on the town, and found a wedding reception, which he proceded to crash. [/qb]

LOL thats classic

 

[Pikache]

^More or less true. We hit Beach Brothers first and I got loaded too quick, so I decided to take it slow when we hit the Harb (bad place to try to pick up chicks. **** you reg force SQ) and basically it was me trying to keep track of 6 guys. At 1am or so, I see this guy disappear into the bathroom. I return to keeping an eye on other drunk buddies who were trying to pick up and failing miserably.
So the closing time comes and we can‘t find this guy. We search the Harb to see if he was there and he wasn‘t. So there was 5 of us, I think and we ran a search party for him until 4am and it was drizzling wet that night. And we were pretty much drunk.

A story for every weekend of that 3 week course by this dude.

Another weekend we went the Harb and got drunk. This dude got tossed out so everyone decided to go back to base.
At the parking lot this dude turns stupid drunk and he tries to beat the crap out of his car. His exact words being, ‘Guys, it‘s okay. It‘s my car. I can do whatever I want.‘ He put a nice big dent in his car even with 3 of us trying to restrain him.
I was in a cab with couple of the guys, but on the way back to base inside his car, this dude tried to open the door and try to slid on the pavement. And everytime someone would say ‘Who wants to go to Disneyland?‘ and this dude would cry out ‘Disneyland!‘

Moral of the story: If you‘re going to fornicate, do not get so drunk that you‘d pass up a hot chick and screw a fugly chick instead.

Good times.

PS: On that course, we had 3 guys from LFWA on it. So it can happen...

 

[Slim]

Danjaneau, Franko and all the rest...
Dan‘s story made me remember this one.

I was tasked to drive iltis one night for a group of officers who were at the CO of Suffield‘s house for a dinner ( we being in the field at the time.)

So while the officers went in and made nicey-nicey with the base people we stood around outside and smoked and talked (like any group of soldiers would.)

At the time I too smoked.

As the evening wore on we sort of drifted apart to await the officers to come out.

I wandered back to my jeep and, as I got there, noticed another soldier leaning on it already.

It was very dark that night and I didn‘t recognize the soldier in question but began to talk to him anyway, as soldiers will do in those situations. While we were talking I dug out a smoke and tried to light it. My lighter was out of gas.

Then I asked my new friend ( calling him Dude, I might add)for a light.

The glow from the Zippo illuminated Col. Hugg, the CO of the LdSH(RC) who happened to be outside smoking a cigar!

Another great officer who did actually spend about 15 minutes speaking to the young trooper before going back to the party.

All the stories are great and we should give a round to Franko for coming up with this post!
Slim

 

[Franko]

My favorite is when we deployed Csqn RCD(C-Force) to the field one warm spring day. The sqn had a new troop WO and he was eager to get his troop of Panzers out for a spin. He did up the trace and went out with the boys.

Just a bit of a note here on the terrain of Gagetown for those of you who haven‘t had the PLEASURE of driving it, I‘ll sum it up. There are swamps on hills. If a new driver can get through a day of driving his/her Panzer without getting stuck, they got skills. Anyway back to the story...

So the trace was started at McKinney Defile and Lawfield road facing east. The LOD was the Lawfield itself. The trace followed the high features to the south to a dog-leg left going north to Butterfly wood.

Slim I hear you laughing already...

The troop WO could figure why the other tanks were going to the high feature then doing the dog-leg left. He was screaming to the other callsigns to get back in formation, what the _______ is Lost Lake...there‘s no lake on the map.

Just as he said that the tank buried itself to the turret ring and slowely started to sink. The ARV came up and did a 3-1 pull(aprox 120 ton pull) and had an extreemly hard time getting him out...as I recall it took about 12 hours.

His callsign got back in very early in the morning, sparing him an embarassment of rolling in with the sqn out doing maintainance.

So he thought.....

He and his crew went down to the tank park the next morning only to find a sail mounted on the turret, boat bumpers attached on the side skirts, and SS MINOW written on the turret, and a makeshift anchor attached to the ballard hooks in front. A map was placed with great care in front of the comanders hole with a huge red circle on the spot where he got stuck. Written next to it is "Lost Lake...don‘t go there!"

Ahhh the good ol‘ days....

Regards

 

[Slim]

Franko

I laughed so hard I think I hurt myself...Is the WO anyone I know?

Slim

 

[Franko]

Maybe....he was at the school before you left

Back to the stories gents......

Regards

 

[Armymedic]

Too many stories to share...

Franko, hope your not still pissed at us for sending you for the "fillopian tubing for the turrent" back in the Sqn, and I still want my rain jacket back. Those FNG stories are priceless, and no matter how much they try to make us politically correct, the new guys still get it....

I wonder is the Lost Lake still marked with that tank divot?

 

[Devlin]

Best one I have seen personally involved a range and nice young french guy with a heavy accent.

We were on a range doing C9 for CAP(R) course. Now the young officer in question shall remain nameless, cause he took enough sh1t over this when it happened.

Range was running just fine until Lt. Bloggins gets a hard extraction on the C9. He tries and tries and tries to clear it but is having some major problems as he is new to the weapon and what not.

Finally sticks up his hand for assistance and the MCpl asks what the problem is, by this time everyone has stopped.

Lt. Bloggins looks over and with a straight face (remember the heavy french accent) "MCpl I‘ve got a hard c0ck."

Everyone on the range loses it including the staff.

What he meant to say was that he had a hard extraction of course.

 

[Franko]

Armymedic...that was Cunnigham you sent to do that...even got him to suck water through it when he was standing on top of the turret,almost passed out. What did you expect...the thing was 20m long!

You got me and THAT mixed up? That‘s like me calling you WEDGE...

Regards

 

[dwild40]

Okay my amusing story.

We HFoC (now RHFofC) on a trg weekend in early fall 1981. We had an arrangement with a farmer in the Woodstock area to use his proprty once in a while. At any rate prior to leaving the armoury on Gage St., we were given a map grid reference of our destination, and dropped off in sections within a 5 - 7 km radius. Our instructions were to find our way to the destination. BTW Royal Highland Fusilier our section commander at the time was M/Cpl Leffler. Any way we were the last section dropped off and we had walked along this country road for about 5 minutes when a vehicle pulled over and the driver asked us what was up. M/Cpl Leffler explained what was up and one of the other guys asked them where we were and showed them the map. The driver pointed out where we were and offered us a ride. Well it took us all of 2 minutes to convince M/Cpl Leffler to accept the ride. There being only 5 of us in the section ( attendance in the 80‘s was a problem ) we easily fit in the car. The driver even offered us beers which we gratfully accepted. He dropped us off about 500 meters from our destination. We thanked him profusely and he said something to the effect of it‘s not everyday that he offered rides to heavily armed individuals...We lounged at the side of the road for a suitable period of time then strolled in. Hey a ride was offered we adapted and improvised.
On the last day of the weekend our mission was to contact members of the resistance holed up in the armouries and offer assistance. One by one we ran across the road and entered the Gage st., armoury via the Sgt‘s mess door. And each to our suprised were immediatly taken prisoner. My webbing and weapon was taken as well as clothes and hood placed over my head and my hands were tied behind my back. I was then shoved around and placed in a chair in another room and they must have been playing a tape of screams and yelling there was also some one smashing metal. That‘s what it sounded like any way. So I started to sing. Some one clamped their hand over my hooded face and I bit the hand, and was promptly smacked. ( We knew there was a chance of capture and interogation this was not abuse and it was not hazing !!!) After about an hour I was picked up off the chair and shoved into another room where there was my gear piled up and two people were asking questions like What was my Regiment? Strength? What were we doing here? Etc... I refused to answer so they had me sign a form which listed my gear. I did and later found out that they had 2 papers on this clip board and i signed the second which was a cofession of war crimes. Then a sympathetic officer came in and demanded to know what was going on. He untied my hands and put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to his office. He offered me some coffee and gently asked questions again I refused to answer. He then took me to what was the Officers mess where there were 6 of so others standing there in their underwear like I was and anounced don‘t worry gentlemen Wildfong here told us everything we need to know. We were soon rescued as one guy saw a struggle at the door and the rest of the guys went around back of the building and snuck in through the garage door and arrested our tormentors.
This was one of my favourite trg excersizes. We all both sides gathered in the Sgt‘s and Men‘s mess to discuss what had happened and what we had done wrong and what wwe had done right. Oh yeah they also gave us the signed confessions back so we may destroy them.

Another one. I had just been sworn in and there was much revellry in the mess .50cent beers will do that. M/Cpl Leffler was a neighbour so he drove me home. In my state I fell out ouf his car just as my mother was getting home too. Some one else in the car said Oh no it‘s his Mom lets get out of here. M/Cpl Leffler being the gentleman ( after all he is now an officer) apologized to my mother and helped get me inside.

 

[dwild40]

BTW I shall accept full responsability for mentionting that M/Cpl‘s name. He is a great man and I am proud to have known and served under and with him.

 

[Pikache]

^Definitely a good man, Mr. Leffler is.