Being an old guy, I feel compelled to talk about my medical conditions. Actually yesterday morning at about 0825 my wife drove me to the ER at our local hospital because of a sudden nose bleed. (I gather nose bleeds are fairly common in seniors, and a friend has had quite a few. I had one about two years ago and now this, so I would not call it chronic.) Anyway, I plugged my nose with some toilet paper and wrapped a red towel around my neck for esthetic purposes.
The ER was empty, though anybody who was ahead of me probably was in the waiting area outside the examination rooms. Within a few minutes I was checked in, examined by the triage nurse and taken to the treatment room. I had a bit of a wait there, so to amuse myself I attempted to re-arrange the letters in each segment of an eye chart into words. The second segment was easy as the letters were something like O H C E which made ECHO, but the others were wild, and some did not even contain vowels. Frankly my attempts sounded like medical terms.
The resident appeared, did some looking up my nose. I told her I could not say "Aah" through my nose, but she seemed satisfied. Now was the time to wait for a couple of blood tests, which were taken about 20 minutes later. More words from the eye chart, helped by designating V as a wild card, but the results still sounded like exotic diseases. An other diversion was listening to the chatter on the regional EMS net. Long story short - the resident returned and packed my nose with a Rino-?, which is plug that is stuck in and injected with a saline solution. This swells it and plugs the nose. Unfortunately she had used a small when a medium was called for, so I now have two size small plugs in my snot box. These things, which are a huge step forward from the long tapey thing they used to stick up the nostril with a BBQ fork, have a tampon-like string, only longer which she taped to my cheek. Maybe I should come back on 31 October to get a free Halloween costume.
I was home by shortly after 1000, so no real medical horror story about long waits and a clogged ER. Maybe this is why people sometimes come from Ottawa to rural hospitals. Even better, the addition to our hospital opens soon and the new ER is ultra-modern.
Tomorrow I am to return to have the pugs taken out, and whatever else the medical profession does to folks like me.
Edit: For the dumbest thing, I nominate a few of my comments to the resident, including trying to say "Aah" through my nose and telling her my bat story.