U.S. government outlines zombie apocalypse plan

[MikeL]

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Entertainment/20110518/zombie-awareness-110518/

Josh Visser, CTV.ca News Staff

Date: Wednesday May. 18, 2011 10:34 PM ET

Terrorism, massive debt, zombies -- there seems to be no end to the threats facing the United States government.

So while U.S. President Barack Obama prepares for his re-election campaign in… wait a second, zombies?

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released a lengthy blog post this week on how to survive a zombie apocalypse -- the normally serious scientists taking a new approach to educating the public on emergency awareness.

Dave Daigle, a longtime CDC spokesperson, told MSNBC he was looking at new ways to engage with people with an old message.

And zombies, as they should be, are on everyone's mind.

Zombies, which are the new vampires, which were the new aliens, which were the new-old zombies, have come back in vogue in entertainment, thanks to the "28 Days Later" movies and "The Walking Dead" comic and television series.

Indeed, the CDC actually played a major role in the season one finale of "The Walking Dead" and the organization promises "if zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease."

Tips from the CDC on how to survive the zombie apocalypse:

Create an emergency kit consisting of: Water (four litres,) food (non-perishable items), medications, tools (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio), sanitation items (soap, etc,) extra clothes and bedding, documents (ID, passport) and a First Aid kit (for treating non-zombie bites.)
Identify possible threats in your neighbourhood
Pick a meeting place for family
Plan an evacuation route
My own tips (as gathered from a lifetime of zombie preparation through pop culture):

Run up the stairs. Zombies can't get you there.
That cute girl in the office will try to eat you. Ignore her.
Get out of the city! Farms rule!
That roguish guy "out for himself" will try to save you in the end.
Swords > guns.

 

[HollywoodHitman]

Breaking News - Canada's Official Opposition suggests negotiating with the Zombie leaders. A source close to the Official Opposition Leader spoke to us on a condition of anonymity: "They're just misunderstood, and in order to appreciate their situation better, we need to have open dialogue. When will the PM regonize that Zombies could be productive members of society?"

More as the situation develops.

 

[dimsum]

As one of my co-workers has said, and I quote:  "This is why your C7 qual needs to be up to date." 

 

[Blackadder1916]

Breaking News - Canada's Official Opposition suggests negotiating with the Zombie leaders. A source close to the Official Opposition Leader spoke to us on a condition of anonymity: "They're just misunderstood, and in order to appreciate their situation better, we need to have open dialogue. When will the PM regonize that Zombies could be productive members of society?"

More as the situation develops.

The PM, as well as the leaders of all political parties with members in the House, already recognizes that Zombies can make a contribution.  After all, the caucuses of all the parties (with maybe the exception of the sole sitting Green Party MP) contain or has in the past contained  individuals who were Zombies (maybe they were ineffective in contributing to society as a whole but they were useful to their parties).  Of course, a great number of them were not returned to Parliament following the last general election - but not to worry a bunch of new ones probably did join the ranks of the undead.  Many more, however, were appointed to the Senate (a well known repository for Zombies).

 

[pitdroid]

Is that real?

 

[dimsum]

Yes.  :facepalm:

 

[aesop081]

As one of my co-workers has said, and I quote:  "This is why your C7 qual needs to be up to date."

I'm sorry but i know how to use a C7 wether my qual is up to date or not. Please tell me that this co-worker is not D.K.

 

[NavyShooter]

The qual is unimportant....the ability to make headshots when it counts is. 

Anyone can "operate" a rifle. 

 

[wildman0101]

Zombie's OMG
Right got my cross,,,garlic, and stake ready,,, Oh wait Zombie's are
taken out with a bullet to the head(brain)... Yo Pit,,,you copy.
Damn vamp's are at the door tryin to deliver Pizza... Later...
Scoty B

 

[pitdroid]

I wish there was a zombie attack. Then maybe Infantry would start recruiting.  ;D

 

[a_majoor]

Heck with the Zombies; today (09 Dec 2011) Instapundit provides a warning about the coming Alien Apocalypse:

http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/

HMM: Mysterious planet-sized object spotted near Mercury.

    Theorists have seized on the images captured from the “coronal mass ejection” (CME) last week as suggestive of alien life hanging out in our own cosmic backyard. Specifically, the solar flare washing over Mercury appears to hit another object of comparable size. “It’s cylindrical on either side and has a shape in the middle. It definitely looks like a ship to me, and very obviously, it’s cloaked,” YouTube-user siniXster said in his video commentary on the footage, which has generated hundreds of thousands of views this week. Now, how this user was able to determine that the object was “obviously” a cloaked spaceship with no other natural explanation remains as much a mystery as the object itself.

I suspect it’s connected to the alien base on Saturn, and that mysterious explosion on Uranus. And, of course, the alien probe that whizzed by Earth.

Science fiction story idea, along the lines of Charlie Stross’s CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN backstory: All sorts of bizarre phenomena today are explained by secret preparations for alien attack. The “Food Pyramid” approach that has produced worldwide obesity is actually meant to fatten people up to prepare for post-apocalyptic food shortages. The “Financial Crisis” is actually a manipulation to cover up large sums of money going to the alien defense effort. And, of course, the Iraq War was really about getting access to a crashed alien spaceship that Saddam wouldn’t share. (Oh, wait — that one’s true, according to an unimpeachable source.) Etc., etc. To my science fiction author readers: No payment needed, but if you write this one, make me a minor character or something.

 

[Jarnhamar]

That's a cloaked ship, for sure.

I was watching some of the follow up videos, some pretty interesting stuff. One video showed what looked like a walled structure not unlike mud walls around compounds in Afghanistan.

 

[GnyHwy]

Found this posted on youtube from my favourite online math tutor "patrickjmt", although he didn't write it. 

A mathematical model for a zombie attack, written by university students from Ottawa.  If your a zombie enthusiast and a math geek you'll really like it, but if your just one of the two it's still a good read.  Should be helpful for the government's response plan.

BLUF - we are pretty much FUBAR'd unless we are willing to take immediate, aggressive, and drastic action as early as possible.  Since most people are generally passive and compassionate, we are SCREWED.

http://mysite.science.uottawa.ca/rsmith43/Zombies.pdf

 

[daftandbarmy]

I've been looking for a good excuse to share this poster. Thanks  :nod:

 

[Canadian.Trucker]

I've been looking for a good excuse to share this poster. Thanks  :nod:

Best picture ever!

I've actually had a zombie apocolypse plan in place for a few years now.  The awesome thing is it's applicable in many situations such as a complete breakdown of the government and society, disease epidemic (read: ebola or superflu) etc.

I R ready  :threat:

 

[medicineman]

Saw some funny advertising at a Winnipeg outdoors shop a couple of weeks ago - "Zombies can't swim - so buy a kayak!".  Wonder if they sell ones with harpoon guns on them...

MM

 

[Robert0288]

Like this?

also link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punt_gun

 

[Colin Parkinson]

If there was a zombie attack, chances are an Army base won’t stand a chance, first the outbreak will occur on a weekend, no one will be around to authorize opening the locks on everything, then when people say “F” the authorization they realize the keys are locked away or with the off base person (now a zombie) If they get a key for a truck, the zombies will have them before they finish the pre-departure checks. If you get your LAV going , forget the arms room, drive straight to the local gunshop, drive through the front doors, arm yourself, then find fuel before the power fails.