The WTF News Files

[dimsum]

The jokes practically write themselves.

A Chinese hospital in Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier- an automatic sperm extractor. I’m all for hands-free technology, but have scientists gone a little too far with this invention?

The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.

According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. We're not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology.

http://www.iflscience.com/technology/automatic-sperm-extractor-introduced-chinese-hospital

 

[Fishbone Jones]

Medical device = a gazillion dollars. Flesh light = $100

 

[medicineman]

The jokes practically write themselves.

http://www.iflscience.com/technology/automatic-sperm-extractor-introduced-chinese-hospital

To quote my 9D after reading her that - "gives new meaning to the term circle jerk"

MM

 

[a_majoor]

How do you even comment on this?

http://www.loweringthebar.net/2014/09/polygamist-ninja-women-unprepared-for-swordplay.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+LoweringTheBar+%28Lowering+the+Bar%29

Polygamist Ninja Women Unprepared for Swordplay
I should probably set up a Google Alert for the phrase "I've never seen anything like this." It usually signals pretty good material.

In this case, what the officer had never seen was an incident in which, as The Guardian put it, "two armed 'polygamist' women dressed 'like ninjas' were subdued by a sword-wielding man during a home invasion." I've written about polygamists, ninjas, and sword-wielding men, but I think this is the first time even I have seen all three combined.

According to the report, the two women, aged 18 and 22, forced their way into the home of a Utah man in an attempt to abduct a 15-year-old girl who was also living there. It appears that another man, who both women called their "husband," has been charged with assaulting the girl and the women were trying to keep her from testifying. Unfortunately for them, there was a second man also in the home at the time.

It didn't help that, for whatever reason, he happened to have a sword handy.

The ninjas were armed with knives and stun guns, but to no avail. Swords trump knives, of course—always have—and stun guns too unless they were the kind that shoot darts. They apparently weren't. Either way, the two men were able to subdue the invaders and hold them until police arrived. The women have been charged with assault, robbery and witness tampering.

Forcing your way into a building is not very ninja-like, nor did they exhibit any ninja skills, but they may at least have been dressed for the part. "I went to the bottom of the stairs and saw a couple of ninjas coming," one of the men said. "They were all dark gray or black, and they had black rubber gloves on and masks. All I could see was their eyes." Terrifying. Unless you have a sword and they don't, I guess.

Previous unqualified-ninja tales here have included "Amateur Ninjas Say They Were Sending 'Message to Drug Dealers'" (Aug. 2008) and "East Texas Ninjas" (Dec. 2006); but see also "Mugging Outside Ninja School Goes Poorly" (July 2010).

 

[DAA]

What will people think of next?      :rofl:

Florida man allegedly has sex with toy horse in Walmart

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2014/10/16/22011926.html

 

[CougarKing]

Medical device = a gazillion dollars. Flesh light = $100

For everything else, there's Mastercard.  ;D

 

[The Bread Guy]

"$13m lawsuit proves Red Bull doesn't give you wings
Caffeinated drinks giant Red Bull GmbH sued for falsely claiming their product "gives you wings" and agrees to pay out $10 to every person who bought the drink since 2002 ...."

 

[cupper]

"$13m lawsuit proves Red Bull doesn't give you wings
Caffeinated drinks giant Red Bull GmbH sued for falsely claiming their product "gives you wings" and agrees to pay out $10 to every person who bought the drink since 2002 ...."

That explains the change in marketing of late. Truly WTF.  :facepalm:

 

[George Wallace]

And people wonder why some worry about the spread of Islam:

LINK

Reproduced under the Fair Dealings provisions of the Copyright Act.

PAKISTAN COURT UPHOLDS DEATH SENTENCE AGAINST CHRISTIAN WOMAN WHO DRANK FROM WELL RESERVED FOR MUSLIMS

by OLIVER LANE 
17 Oct 2014
Breitbart.com

A Christian woman who was given the death penalty last year for drinking water from a well reserved for Muslims in Pakistan has had her appeal against the sentence rejected by the Lahore high court.

Breitbart reported on the original case last year, which arose after Aasiya Noreen, a fruit picker, stopped to refresh herself during the course of her day's work. After she was caught drinking from the same cup used by Muslim women, the well was declared “Haram”, and Noreen was beaten for the offence, before being arrested.

At the time of her conviction, Noreen said: “I have been sentenced to death because I was thirsty. I'm a prisoner because I used the same cup as those Muslim women, because water served by a Christian woman was regarded as unclean by my stupid fellow fruit pickers”.

It was alleged during the altercation following the water incident, Noreen made negative comments about Islam. Noreen has defended her innocence in the five years since, insisting her comment went no further than “I think Jesus would see things differently than Mohammed”, and her lawyer has argued the charge arose because of “personal enmity” towards the defendant, rather than a genuine grievance, reports the Independent newspaper.

None of the original witnesses were present in court to testify, but a Muslim “prayer leader” (Imam) who claimed Noreen, an unrepentant Christian, had confessed the crime to him, did. When the Lahore court delivered its verdict to maintain the death penalty in this case, Noreen and her defence team reacted with shock. Her lawyer promised to keep fighting: “I was expecting the opposite decision. We will file an appeal to the Supreme Court of Pakistan in a few days”.

If the case is lodged at the Supreme court in Islamabad, the debate over Noreen’s life, which has already lasted five years, could drag out for many more. It has already sparked significant attention, both at home in Pakistan and abroad. U.S. Kentucky Senator and Republic Presidential hopeful Rand Paul has said if Noreen wasn’t released from death row, foreign aid to the country should cease. Lamenting the case, Paul said: “According to her co-workers, she insulted the Prophet. In our country, we refer to such quibbling as gossip. In Pakistan, if you are a Christian, it can land you on death row”.

The matter of religious plurality is an exceptionally controversial one in Pakistan, and as this case continues Aasiya Noreen may have trouble finding backers. In 2011, two senior politicians who spoke out against the blasphemy law that Noreen was charged with and publicly supported her cause were assassinated. The Pakistani minister for minorities, Shahbaz Bhatti was the nation’s only Christian cabinet member until his death at the hands of the Pakistani Taliban.

 

[jollyjacktar]

No amount of insanity, however small, that comes out of that country makes me raise my eyebrows anymore.  That whole country is totally barking mad and foaming at the mouth.

 

[OldSolduer]

If we were to attempt to say "Christian faiths " at certain areas how long do you think it would be before AI were all over us?

 

[cupper]

No amount of insanity, however small, that comes out of that country makes me raise my eyebrows anymore.  That whole country is totally barking mad and foaming at the mouth.

And they have nukes too.  anic:

 

[dapaterson]

73 year old Quebec high school teacher fired over soft core films she made 40+ years ago.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/montreal-teacher-73-loses-job-over-film-nudity-more-than-40-years-ago/article21183669/

 

[cupper]

73 year old Quebec high school teacher fired over soft core films she made 40+ years ago.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/montreal-teacher-73-loses-job-over-film-nudity-more-than-40-years-ago/article21183669/

Sure, like that's the problem with today's education system.

 

[jollyjacktar]

Hell I would have thought she would be a shoe in for the sex education classes... 

 

[George Wallace]

73 year old Quebec high school teacher fired over soft core films she made 40+ years ago.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/montreal-teacher-73-loses-job-over-film-nudity-more-than-40-years-ago/article21183669/

Same prestigious school:

Meanwhile, the school – a Jesuit-founded institution that groomed leaders such as Pierre Trudeau and his son, Justin –

This could explain some of the decisions of the school and its students.    :

 

[Oldgateboatdriver]

73 year old Quebec high school teacher fired over soft core films she made 40+ years ago.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/montreal-teacher-73-loses-job-over-film-nudity-more-than-40-years-ago/article21183669/

Probably the best they could find to finally get her to retire, whether she wants to or not.

 

[CougarKing]

;D

Yahoo News

Lovesick Chinese woman, 26, dumped by boyfriend spends entire week in KFC

Depressed Tan Shen, 26, from Chengdu, in China’s southwest Sichuan Province, decided she needed some fried comfort food to get over her ex

A lovesick Chinese woman dumped by her boyfriend spent an entire week in a KFC eating chicken wings.

Depressed Tan Shen, 26, from Chengdu, in China’s southwest Sichuan Province, decided she needed some fried comfort food to get over her ex.

She stopped off at a KFC near a train station by her home, but ended up staying for a whole week because she ‘needed time to think’.

Tan even phoned in sick to work to stay at the KFC, with her break-up clearly hitting her very hard.


(...SNIPPED)

 

[a_majoor]

Wow. You really can fool some of the people all of the time. Especially foodies. Watch the embedded video:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/10/23/mcdonald_s_organic_prank_for_foodies_two_dutch_pranksters_play_trick_at.html?wpsrc=sh_all_dt_tw_top

OGOCT. 23 2014 5:08 PM
What Happens When You Serve McDonald’s to Food Snobs and Tell Them It’s Organic
By L.V. Anderson

A Dutch production agency “specializ[ing] in awesome viral video content” recently decided to carry out a cartoonish foodie version of the Judgment of Paris: It sent two pranksters to a food expo armed with samples of McDonald’s sandwiches and snacks, which they told people was their “new, organic alternative to fast food.” Predictably—and somewhat amusingly—the denizens of the food festival were much kinder to McDonald’s fare when they thought it was organic. (For English subtitles, hit play, then click on Settings—the little gear icon at the bottom of the video—and Subtitles/CC.)
To be fair, some of their reviews are not quite raves: “The structure is good,” says one solemn man. “Yes. Not too sticky.” And a lot of the people who give positive feedback are probably just trying to be polite. After all, they believe they’re being interviewed by the very people who made the food—it would be rude to criticize a chef’s creation to his face. But several people’s insistence that the food tastes more “pure” than McDonald’s just goes to show that “pure” (like “clean”) is a moral concept that’s practically meaningless with regard to food, and that your beliefs about what you’re eating will absolutely affect your experience of eating it.

I was glad to see that the hosts didn’t make too much of their findings. Their main takeaway from the experiment was straightforward, undeniable, and not particularly meaningful, when you think about it: “If you tell people that something is organic, they’ll automatically believe it’s organic!”

 

[PMedMoe]

Hamilton woman lived with husband's corpse for months believing God would resurrect him

The macabre case first came to light back in January, when the woman was arrested and charged with neglect of duty regarding a dead body and indignity to a body.

The two charges were withdrawn and replaced with the single charge under the Coroner's Act.

The sheriff found the 51-year-old’s body while trying to evict Wald and his family from their St. Matthews Avenue home in the city’s north end last year.

Regional coroner Dr. Jack Stanborough told CBC news in a previous interview that Wald’s body was found in an “advanced state of decomposition” when it was discovered in an upstairs bedroom.

“Evidence suggests he’d been dead for weeks, if not months,” Stanborough said.

More at link

Ewwwww.....  :boke: