The History of Majestic French Military Victories

[Evan]

hey old school, u probably got some intreasting stories about training with different countries :warstory: , i(and many others would probably be delighted to hear some of them.
-Evan

 

[OLD SCHOOL]

Well, there was this one time, at band camp...

 

[Enzo]

One of the most beautiful women I‘ve ever had the pleasure to know was French. Even though we‘re far apart, we‘re still close, and that‘s a good thing. Any country that can produce such an intelligent, loving and beautiful lady. There has to be something to that.

 

[Danjanou]

Old School has it right. Some of them are excellent troops. It‘s just their Political Leadership that is often questionable.....


Hmmm why does that sound familiar?

 

[Danjanou]

Touche M. Baker

 

[Yes Man]

I know this is a joke, but it is kind of lame to attempt to make fun of on of the greatest military powers of all time, especially when it was that power which gave the U.S their freedom. Also I don’t know who came up with that post but they are for sure not students of history.

 

[Spr.Earl]

Originally posted by Yes Man:
[qb] I know this is a joke, but it is kind of lame to attempt to make fun of on of the greatest military powers of all time, especially when it was that power which gave the U.S their freedom. Also I don’t know who came up with that post but they are for sure not students of history. [/qb]

Yes Man I posted it.

To be real,the last time the French were a power was under a Little Corsican.

 

[Yes Man]

I will not dismiss the colonist’s role during the revolution; they fought hard and earned their victory. But it would be ludicrous to believe that they did it on their own. France not only sent in their army and navy to aid the colonists, they paid for almost all of the war. Without France, America would have remained a British colony.

 

[Spr.Earl]

Originally posted by S_Baker:
[qb] Nice try,
I think a few colonists also contributed to their own freedom as well, besides that France did not assist in the revolutionary war because it wanted the colonists to win they did it for OIL ..oops wrong war [/qb]

Sherwood,I think he‘s thinking of the Battle Of New Orleans,Ahhh I just had his name!! Laffiette?
Were he supplied flint‘s and powder and other resource‘s needed for the fight to the people of New Orleans.

Which when the battle happened the Peace had already been signed.

 

[Yes Man]

They were a major power years after that. Don’t forget about Louis Napoleon III.

 

[Spr.Earl]

Originally posted by S_Baker:
[qb] Spr.Earl,

I truly don‘t know as much about the revolutionary war as I should or want to. I am trying to remedy that though :warstory: Lafayette, assisted with the revolutionary war. The battle of New Orleans? Wasn‘t that the war of 1812? [/qb]

Sherwood I‘m getting mixed up with history

Yup New Orleans was 1812.

 

[logau]

SPR EARL - I know you know better than that...

The French ran the schmozzle that the Brits and the French created by March 1918.

Anyone who runs down the French has no idea of their own history.

North Americans came to the rescue of the old world 2 X in the last 100 years.

Originally posted by Spr.Earl:
[qb] Taken off a U.S. web site.
A good laff!!

The History of Majestic French Military Victories

So the French still aren‘t on board with us spanking Iraq. Oh boo hoo. Let‘s take a look at the mighty French military prowess, shall we?

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France‘s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William‘s War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France‘s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it‘s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn‘t call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald‘s.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France surrenders?" [/qb]

 

[maxdata]

I think there ist nothing to say against some good jokes. But if you make such a joke never forget the humans behind it. For example the faked picutre with the french soldier. You don‘t hit the government or the political leaders with that. You just hit the normal man that must follow. In the showen picture for example one single soldier faceing the whole hate for the decisions his government made.

I can laugh when i read such jokes, but I know the other side too. No way to count the jokes that i heard from allies when we were on training or just had some fun together after duty. It‘s okay when someone makes a good joke over you and you can laugh too. It‘s a little bit less funnier the tenth oder twentieth time when you hear one. And after hundreds of those jokes it‘s simply annyoing and someday it will generate hate.

You should always think of that when you hear, read or write such a joke. There are always some friends you hit with