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So there I was.......

.... was the 2ic of the Hairplug Insertion Section of that Regiment and there was a big racket when the CO went in for treatment and ended up with extra hair on his ...
 
toes due to the hydraulic action of the hot water in his shower, over many years, slowly forcing all his bodily hair southward towards his feet, leaving him..............................
 
.... with the ability to walk barefoot in the snow. It was good for winter as there was severe shortage of mukluks. He also left tracks that were confused for ...
 
Munchkins, but with his map and compass in hand, he set out to show the world that he....................
 
.... could indeed find his behind with both hands and the help of a Sgt, after this great discovery he headed over to Walmart with a handful of gift cards given him by grateful troops. Grateful only in having him gone for extended periods shopping for his favourite things which were ...
 
...handcrafted by the firm E. Jack Ulation & Sons Ltd., manufacturers of ...

 
.... door knobs and head gaskets. On the way to the store he ran into a old friend who hit him up for the loan of a twenty. Our hero only had $15 so the friend said he could give him that amount and owe him the rest. As he crossed the street and car with blacked out windows came around the corner and screeched to a stop in front of him. Two guys in dark suits jumped out and commenced to ...
 
.... Thunderthighs, the best wrestler ever to put a mask on and put a severe beating on ....
 
the holder of the world heavyweight belt, the Russian champion Igor Sukmeov...
 
.... Soviet Hero First Class, awarded to him when he collected more potatoes for the communal rations than anybody else. After his thrashing he turned to another occupation which was ...
 
...advising the Spetznats unit the major decided to form after watching a late night re-run of Red Dawn...
 
... but his VHS machine ate the tape so he pulled out his old Laserdisc machine and put on a copy of Aladdin. It gave him a great idea to start a magic section. As commander of this new section he named ...
 
.... so it was all set to go. He went to the magic shop to get the kit to outfit the new section. It was too expensive to get any of the good gear so they settled for one card trick that the entire section would have to share. While that was going on, somehow the major grasped the concept of concurrent activity, he held an inspection of the genuine fake Rambo knives. When he came to Soldat PeaBrain he was shocked by ....
 
Peabrain's conduct to the prejudice of good order and discipline in that he...
 
....on the day of his birth, did conduct himself in.....
 
... to the world, in a puddle of bodily fluids, and to this day, has been displaying like behaviour, in that he used the bathroom more than the regulated number of times a day. Guilty as charged, for punishment ....
 
30 days extra duties - picking fly droppings off peppercorns with boxing gloves...
 
.... and putting them back into the flies they came from. The task wasn't finished in the allotted time so as extra punishment he was made to ....
 
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