Relationships

[militarygirlfriend]

hi i have a few questions about the barricks.

my boyfriend lives in petawawa and from what i have heard from my boyfriends brother there is a lot of infedlity in the military espeically if you live in the shacks?  i have even heard from my boyfriend that there are girls called shack rats that basically go around and sleep with anything in a uniform.  i live in ottawa and thats 2 hours away.  i love my boyfriend but i am worried that these girls will entrice him into doing things with them.  espically on the weekends where practially every one is getting drunk and having a big party?  how do i bring this up with him so he doesn't get mad at me and think that i am accusing him of cheating even if he hasn't?  please help!!

 

[kincanucks]

ARMY.CA not Dear Abbey.

Sorry forgot I was in the homefront forum.

 

[Cansky]

It boils down to this.  Are you in a committed relationship and do you trust him.  If so then no Shack Rat will be able to change that.  Yes these types of women exist but have faith in him for if you doubt his ability to stay faithful then your relationship is doomed.  My husband is military and so am I.  We spent many years on separate bases and had to trust each other.  But with trust and faith in each other we are now celebrating our 8 wedding anniversary and been together for the last 10 years and friends for 10 years before that.  Not all guy will cheat.  So have faith in him.  And good luck

 

[MJP]

I personally liked the first answer better.....second one will do though

 

[Gunner98]

The hardest questions are best asked directly.  "Honey, do I have anything to worry about?  I hear there are lots of parties and drinking in Petawawa.  If you miss me I am always here for you. If you ever feel that all we have shared can be replaced by a one-night stand with a shack rat, would you be so kind as to just be honest with me.  Sexually transmitted diseases are best handled privately, please don't share them with me."  If he cheats on you, then he is just cheating himself.  It is better to find out sooner rather than later.

If he laughs at you then you have a decision to make.  Remember free advice from strangers on a public forum is never guaranteed.  If he reads here then hears it from you.  You will both have a good laugh.

 

[Infanteer]

Sometimes I'm convinced that senior members are making profiles to do this and get the rest of us going....

 

[kincanucks]

Sometimes I'm convinced that senior members are making profiles to do this and get the rest of us going....

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, what an interesting idea. >

 

[ArmyGirlfriend19]

hello,
my boyfriend has just left for the army, basic trainning a little more then 2 months ago, and i had some of the same worries like every girlfriend does. But that was only at the beginning now i know i have to have complete trust in him. Because if you boyfriend is going to "do it" (cheat on you that is) do you really think  it will not really matter if you talk about it or not. However if you are still worried about it, what i would do that is, is I would tell him b4 he goes to any party TO BE GOOD. And see how he answers that if you are still not convinced I would talk to him then, not about cheating though...I would talk more about trust and where is the realtionship going. The key I that i found that is, is that for a long distance relationship to work you must have complete trust in each other and as well be able to talk about anything that bothers you...therefore if this really really bothers you tell your bF straightout that you have worries and see how he handles it...well i wish you the best of luck..take care jenn

 

[GO!!!]

Sorry honey,

As soon as your man joined the army he gave up control over his sexual impulses. He is now reduced to a drooling, single minded, sex addicted zombie, merely awaiting his next opportunity to copulate with anything animal, vegetable or mineral. The shacks are a non-stop orgy of sex, guns and rock and roll. He won't be able to stay true to you 2 minutes, never mind 2 hours that it would take you to reach him. Furthermore, being in the army makes him overly sensitive, so if you approach him about his sexual habits, he will probably start to cry and want to break up.

My advice to you is to show up in Pet at his room and slake his thirst for all things, even if they seem dirty or painful to you, every weekend in order to keep him from looking for it elsewhere.

Hope this helps.  :

 

[Roy Harding]

If you're so worried about this that you have to bring it up in a PUBLIC forum, perhaps you need to rethink your relationship, and get a grip on your insecurities.

A person's personality remains basically the same, no matter WHAT they do for a living.  A good, decent person remains a good, decent person whether in a uniform or not.  A scumbag remains a scumbag - whether in a uniform or not.

 

[NicoleB]

I am new to this forum, and after seeing how much everyone helped Jenn, i felt compelled to write in.
I am in a relationship with a man in the army. he's been my boyfriend for 4 years now, and everytime he goes away for training, i feel like this is the end. each year we somehow make it through, but this year has just been horrible. when my boyfriend did basic training a couple of years ago, it was the typical thing. he needed me more than anything else, and he wrote me all the time, and phoned whenever he could. when he went away last summer it was the same thing, we talked on the phone everyday. This year he has empoyment in KIngston, and its like i'm an afterthought to him now. is this typical? i try to keep interested in what he is doing, but whenever i ask about his work, is friends, his co-workers, he gets really defensive and wont talk to me about anything. the worse part is he'll get angry whenever i complain, and shut off his phone for days on end so i cant contact him.
Another thing is i have less and less trust in him as the years go by. Every year after he comes home he promises that the next summer he'll stay home, so we can go travelling etc, and then always last minute he announces he's going away. this year was particularly rough since the day after i told him my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he announced he was leaving for 6 months in ten days.
So basically my question is what do you do, or can you do in situations like this when the trust has been dissolved, and how can you re-open the lines of communication?
any help or kind words would be greatly appreciated.
*Nicole*

 

[ThatsLife]

Nicole, there will be times in your life that go by pretty rough, and you might not like it, but it would be for the best of things in the end.

Now, about what you were saying...

He use to phone you everyday you say? Well I can tell you alittle something...I was going to go regular forces..I promised my girlfriend I would phone her EVERY single day no matter what the situation was....and the reason is...because you're afraid of losing him/her so you want to communicate as much as possible (i'm going Reserves now by the way  ). But now, after four long years you guys aren't communicating as much you say? Well...this is a good thing, considering your trust is not rusting away, but rather it's BUILDING. Let me explain to you why, in a very hard to grasp concept.


I'm going to give you a few situational examples:


1) What you guys are doing now    -

- Phoning each other everyday with minimal conversational topics considering nothing much will happen in a days time line.

You say he gets mad and disconnects the phone?

There has to be a rational explanation as to why his phone was disconnected. He wouldn't do that to you after four long years.

But think of it this way--say you guys space out your calls to one another and make it...1-2 calls a week...you guys will have alot of things to talk about as opposed to 'what happened today and what are you doing tonight' kind of conversations. Space out your calls, don't worry about your boyfriend, he'll be half way around the world inhaling dust for 6 months   Don't worry so much, Nicole.

Everything will turn out right    

and ThatsLife    



ps. I'm sorry to hear about your father being diagnosed with terminal cancer.  

 

[NicoleB]

thank you, thats life for your kind words. I understand what you're saying about spacing out those calls. its hard sometimes, but you're right after four years i should know better by now.
but i have to add that the disconnected phone was on purpose because my boyfriend addmitted to it, later. it just makes me wonder sometimes if he is trying as hard as i am to make this work.

 

[Mappy]

I'm somewhat in the same situation.  My bf is in his last week of training.  He's been gone for almost 9 weeks, and I have had 2 phonecalls, a bunch of text msgs, and 1 email.  For some, thats as much as they get in a week.  I dont really know why he doesn't contact me alot, but I know he is taking this training stuff pretty seriously.  BUT, it is getting quite annoying because, well, 9 weeks with barely any contact has the ability to drive one crazy.  I'm not letting it bother me too much though. HOWEVER, once basic is over, things will be different....or at least I will make them different *cough*

Its a really sticky situation and I really cant say "its going to be alright" or "its over", its a different situation every time.  There is also the whole trust thing that has been in other topics on this board, check those out as well.

 

[paracowboy]

I am new to this forum, and after seeing how much everyone helped Jenn, i felt compelled to write in.
I am in a relationship with a man in the army. he's been my boyfriend for 4 years now, and everytime he goes away for training, i feel like this is the end. each year we somehow make it through, but this year has just been horrible. when my boyfriend did basic training a couple of years ago, it was the typical thing. he needed me more than anything else, and he wrote me all the time, and phoned whenever he could. when he went away last summer it was the same thing, we talked on the phone everyday. This year he has empoyment in KIngston, and its like i'm an afterthought to him now. is this typical? i try to keep interested in what he is doing, but whenever i ask about his work, is friends, his co-workers, he gets really defensive and wont talk to me about anything. the worse part is he'll get angry whenever i complain, and shut off his phone for days on end so i cant contact him.
Another thing is i have less and less trust in him as the years go by. Every year after he comes home he promises that the next summer he'll stay home, so we can go travelling etc, and then always last minute he announces he's going away. this year was particularly rough since the day after i told him my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he announced he was leaving for 6 months in ten days.
So basically my question is what do you do, or can you do in situations like this when the trust has been dissolved, and how can you re-open the lines of communication?
any help or kind words would be greatly appreciated.
*Nicole*

if this is all true, he's a dick. Move on. He has.

 

[Bomber]

In the words of Snoop, "drop it like it's hot"  This guy is just using you as an anchor at home.  Ditch him and get on with your life.  Turning off a phone is what children do when they stick their hands on their ears and go "la la la".  There are times when things come up last minute, but most of the time everyone is given plenty of time to plan for things.  I imagine that if you have been together for 4 years, you are probably mothering him a lot now, like paying his bills for him and administering him while he is away.  Stop all of that, and move on, cause I think he has.

 

[Rebel_RN]

I understand to some extent what you are going through, before meeting my fiance I dated a guy in the Reg's, we were together for 3 years. During that time there were some very tough moments, extended absences can wreak havoc on a relationship. They don't have to though. If you are BOTH committed to one another and committed to the relationship then you will be able to work things out. I realized after 3 years that we were stuck in limbo, not moving ahead and not moving backwards..just plain not moving. So did he, we realized that after awhile we just started to pretend that things were still peachy keen, the letter's and phone calls started to get few and far between and when he did get home we sat down and had a very open discussion in which we realized that we were no longer "right' for each other.

This is just my story, there are many relationships that survive the Forces, many in which one or both are employed by the forces and many in which the relationships get stronger as a result of the forces. The key to these relationships is communication,commitment, trust and a bit of patience. Without these.......It seems to me that your relationship is lacking in some vital areas, perhaps it's time for a very open and honest discussion to see where you both are, how you're feeling and what you want out of this relationship?
Rebel

 

[NicoleB]

thank you everyone for your honesty. i do have alot to think about. my boyfriend was home on leave last month, and i had actually worked up the courage to have an open discussion about where the relationship was headed, and if we both wanted the same things. his response, even now, is oh when i come home i'm going to get you a ring and blah blah blah, everything's great, i love you so much yadda yadda yadda. well we'll see wont we. i'm not putting my life on hold for anyone.
this isnt even about the military, this is about the man trying to hide behind his job.

 

[Manimal]

don't take crap, you're a pretty girl 

 

[Shadow Cat]

This is a difficult situation for one to comment on but based on just what you have said here I have to give you my opinion.

I think that you are there for him and unfortunately her isn't there for you the way that you need him too.

To turn off the phone becuase you try to get him to involve you in his life by talking about what he does, his friends, work, etc is very very childish and you should not be punished for trying to take an interest in his life.  Aren't people that love each other supposed to share their life together?  Also by ot telling you anything about his life it leads one to believe that he is hiding something.  Maybe he isn't but it just seems fishy.

Also when did he find out that he was going this summer?  Did ge have more than 10 days notice to get his stuff together to leave or did he just forget to tell you a month before hand that he was leaving in a month?

I think that I would be sitting down and really looking at this relationship.  It seems that he cane come and go as he pleases and you will be going through a very difficult situation in the next little while with your family, is he going to be there to support you?  Someone that loves you will be there to help you through a difficult time.  It doesnt have to necessarily be in person but even the phone.  Sometimes just knowing that they person that you love is there to support you on the phone.

Ultimately the decision to stay or go is yours and there may be other things that we dont know about that could persuade you either way.  Go and do some thinking and let us know how it goes.

Good Luck!!!