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More and more funnies.. vol: something...

Hey - he only just joined. He hasn't had any time to read a - n - y - t - h - i - n - g before making his first post yet.
 
So, question.

You're in a room, and with you in that room is Adolf Hitler, and a guy who won't turn off the sound to the buttons on his iPhone.  You are able to kill one, and only one of them.



Here's the question:


Do you give the iPhone to Hitler, or do you keep it to yourself?
 
Want to freak out your neighbors?

Rename your Wifi - "FBI Surveillance Van"

;D
 
habve.jpg
 
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said 'Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl who had just started to read her book replied to the total stranger, 'What would you want to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know' said the atheist, 'How about why there is not God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?' as he smiled smugly.

'OK' she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff ~ grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?'

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says 'Hmmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?'
 
I'm an atheist and found that was an awesome joke. Love it. Milpoints for that one!
:rofl:
 
A rewrite from atheist to theist.  I like it better. 

A theist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said 'Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl who had just started to read her book replied to the total stranger, 'What would you want to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know' said the theist, 'How about why God exists, or Heaven or Hell, or life after death?' as he smiled smugly.

'OK' she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff ~ grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?'

The theist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says 'Hmmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?'
 
Two friends were talking about gifts for their wives.  One friend was rich and the other friend was poor.

Rich guy:  "I gave my wife  a set of diamond earrings and a Mercedes convertible for our Anniversary. "

Poor guy:  "Why a set of earrings and a car?"

Rich guy: "So she could drive to the jewelery shop and change the earrings if she did not like them."

The poor guy thought that was a cool idea and said he would get two gifts like that too.  He later returned from shopping and showed what he had bought.  A pair of running shoes and a sex toy.

Rich guy:  "What's with those choices?"

Poor guy: "If she doesn't like the shoes she can go screw herself."
 
If a man doesn't speak, he must be thinking something.

If a woman doesn't speak, GET READY FOR THE SHITSTORM AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

;D
 
The National Post had an article a few days ago about why most comedians are liberals and very few conservative. That resulted in a few letters to the editors, including this one from today's edition that refutes the idea that conservatives don't have a sense of humour.

Conservative humour
Re: So A Liberal Walks Into A Bar, letter to the editor, Sept. 19.

Letter-writer George A. Bragg claims that conservatives have no sense of humour.
Who is he kidding? Has he never heard of George Carlin, Frank Fleming, Andrew
Klavan, Bosch Faw-sten or dozens other.

Probably the funniest political joke of 2012 is a conservative one. Here it is: George Bush,
Queen Elizabeth and Vladimir Putin all die and go to Hell. While there, they spy a red phone
and ask what it's for. The Devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for five minutes. When he's finished the Devil informs
him that call will cost him $l-million, so Putin writes him a cheque. Next, Queen Elizabeth
calls England and talks for 30 minutes. The cost is $6-million, so she writes him a cheque.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for four hours. When he's finished, the Devil
informs him that the cost is just $5. When Putin hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the
Devil why Bush got to call the United States so cheaply.
Smiling, the Devil replies: "Since Barack Obama took over, the country has gone to hell,
so it's a local call."

David Solway, Hudson, Que.
 
A foursome of men was waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of ladies were hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet.

Then she went over and missed it completely.

Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet. 

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically,

"I guess all those 'f**king lessons' I took over the winter didn't help." 

One of the men immediately responded,  "Well, there you have it.  You should have taken golf lessons instead!" 

He never even had a chance to duck.  He was 43...

 
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