Jimmy_D said:
This member dug himself into a hole, he had family issues when he was in and because his family didnt want him in the military, so he went on TRIPS TO THE FIELD to get away from family. Then when they finally left him, because he was already into junk, and knew his stint in the field was fake, he decided to take everything to the extreme and blame the military for everything.
How do i know, Ive baby sat the guy for some time when i was a no hook. He definatelly has issues that need to be dealt with but on a military perspective, he is excately where he should be. OUT.
Addiction sickness, active addicts do lie and can become attached to their own lies, the story-lines they tell themselves to 'justify using' (the blame others for not having it together) and really they believe them too (and it's reinforced by the 'reward' of the 'high', self-perpetuating looping-cycle away from self-honesty, thus difficulty with honesty with others); it's self-deception, confusion about personal responsibilities, gets distorted, displaced. It's a sickness and it can be very frustrating to deal with that happening in another person.
I'm impressed with those who do roll up their sleeves and get down to facing the music, accepting and staying commited to the recovery/treatment plans and accepting with honesty and humility, the challenges to self-deceptions, mis-attributions, allowing themselves to be challenged; learning to face their dis-ease with honestly and courage and committment to staying clean, each day with each choice. To even take that leap of faith, and stay commited so that they can achieve greater clarity and maintain that.
This fella sounds like he has a long way to go towards wellness. There's abstaining from the junk and then there's learning how to abstain from the junk from within (re: misattributions, "stinkin thinkin"
).
Personal accountability, reliablity, honesty and trust, I imagine are very important attributes and foundations re: military service, working with a unit (not against it), so I can understand discharge being completely reasonable, safety of unit and person depends on it.
I still get those 'drunk and dial' calls from time to time
and I generally keep some distance (often opting to not answer the phone, as it is energy-consumming for me and I have to protect my own energy levels as I've got my own battles with ptsd [which they can't recognize, when it's all about them, blurred to sense of other]).
But I'll confront those 'story lines' and 'dramas' which abdicate self-responsibility for choices, doesn't figure into the 'equation' for them. I listen to the attempts to the 'excuses' and then the attempts to 'change the subject' when I call them out on it. I bring it back to the lie, then I hear more excuses, and I redirect back to the lie, until they finally admit to their personal responsibility and the lie they're telling themselves (re: choice to drink, their choices of reaction, and view of things). A fairly fruitless exercise as the truth is forgotten by the time they drink again, they can't remember, it's and the self-deceptive habits remain. There's confusion and they can't see how they are doing this to themselves. They lie to themselves, "not hurting anyone else", everything to defend their habit, and denial of the consequences, re: loss of job, relationships, etc. I maintain my position re: treatment. I can recognize the human being that is there, but I also recognize the oppression of the human being by the weight of the addiction sickness, habits, etc. Almost like two-personalities, the 'addict part' with it's deceptions, and mis-attributions often wins.
Definition of Insanity:
Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.
~ Albert Einstein
Maybe taking a lot of liberty in generalizing from my experiences confronting addictions. Just saying it can get messy, and head-tripping, and challenging re: one's own energies for it (especially when honesty is an important value, it's hard to tolerate consistently dishonesty, that addiction sickness can create). I've known some strong people who've achieved sobriety and have actively maintained it for years and great people, fearlessly honest, clarity, direct, freed from habits of manipulation, working on clarity on a day-to-day, their best selves. I respect this and the product of these efforts re: on-going development producing great Character strengths.
They have to chose to lead that path, can't chose it for others.
