I'm just kidding Ed, I can't fly out there because I wouldn't even know where to find him. I hope you're right about him just needing some time, but I'm not feeling very optimistic right now. I'm pretty sure his mind is made up, but we'll see. Thanks again.
Girlfriend of a soldier needs opinions...
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I ditto everything Ed and DG and Muffin say...
I also reccommend you continue to send care packages and actual physical old fashioned letters...
Guys on deployment are so sentimental they sniff the letters cus they smell like home...and since the sense of smell is the sense strongest tied to memory...you would be best served sending those good old fashioned letters. And you know what? He'll probably come home, chill out...and eventually show you all the letters you sent...all torn and worn and dog eared because he pulled them out and read them so many times.
My hubby still has all the letters and cards I sent him while he was on basic...when he goes away for a course, he takes a couple with him, to hold him over until he recieves the latest one I've sent.
Check out the MFRC closest to you or on the base where your guy's unit is from...they will be happy to send any care packages for you...and the postage will be covered. Also while you are there, you could talk to the Deployment Support (Family Separation and Reunion) Coordinator...chances are, they have seen this far more times than you could ever imagine.
Hang in there girl...those dang inner voices he hears get real loud when on a patrol or sentry...
He has a tough job, you love him for it, but he probably thinks you deserve better than him...and by sticking around you will make him really feel that way....but eventually he should come around and realize he must really be something if you were willing to stick around, even if he tried to let you go...
It seems you are the proverbial "bird in the cage" you know..."if something really is meant to be yours, set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be...."
I also reccommend you continue to send care packages and actual physical old fashioned letters...
Guys on deployment are so sentimental they sniff the letters cus they smell like home...and since the sense of smell is the sense strongest tied to memory...you would be best served sending those good old fashioned letters. And you know what? He'll probably come home, chill out...and eventually show you all the letters you sent...all torn and worn and dog eared because he pulled them out and read them so many times.
My hubby still has all the letters and cards I sent him while he was on basic...when he goes away for a course, he takes a couple with him, to hold him over until he recieves the latest one I've sent.
Check out the MFRC closest to you or on the base where your guy's unit is from...they will be happy to send any care packages for you...and the postage will be covered. Also while you are there, you could talk to the Deployment Support (Family Separation and Reunion) Coordinator...chances are, they have seen this far more times than you could ever imagine.
Hang in there girl...those dang inner voices he hears get real loud when on a patrol or sentry...
He has a tough job, you love him for it, but he probably thinks you deserve better than him...and by sticking around you will make him really feel that way....but eventually he should come around and realize he must really be something if you were willing to stick around, even if he tried to let you go...
It seems you are the proverbial "bird in the cage" you know..."if something really is meant to be yours, set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be...."
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UKJen - I am sorry it didn't work out for you.
My mom did the same thing to my dad when they were dating and moved away on him,,..... he quit his job and follwed her anyway!
Most of us are not able to go to these extremes (when he comes home of course) so I suggest a pint of your favorite Ice Cream and a good sappy movie. It has to be very frusterating where he is so far away with limited contact.
Hang in there
Everything happens for a reason...
My mom did the same thing to my dad when they were dating and moved away on him,,..... he quit his job and follwed her anyway!
Most of us are not able to go to these extremes (when he comes home of course) so I suggest a pint of your favorite Ice Cream and a good sappy movie. It has to be very frusterating where he is so far away with limited contact.
Hang in there
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hi,
its really hard for the guys/gals over there. You fellow is probably going threw alot, and questioning himself. dont give up on him, rite him a email, telling him your feelings, and that you support him, and that you understand he is going threw alot right now( his emotions are probable running wild, i know my hubbys does). keep the communtication open
best of luck
its really hard for the guys/gals over there. You fellow is probably going threw alot, and questioning himself. dont give up on him, rite him a email, telling him your feelings, and that you support him, and that you understand he is going threw alot right now( his emotions are probable running wild, i know my hubbys does). keep the communtication open
best of luck
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I agree with Ed. If you really love this guy, then give him some space. He sounds a bit down and who wouldn't be, seeing what he is seeing daily. What you can do is continue to e-mail him, friendly newsy type e-mails, (or better yet, snail mails with little things/goodies like the newspaper from home, etc).. do not speak of love or any "feelings" at all.. just keep friendly, let him know what's going on with his friends, etc etc.. Perhaps you got a little "heavy/needy" with him in some of your e-mails. Take care and good luck..
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Ed Gagnon said:
I have a better question for you, "Who's Army are you in". it would help if you filled out your Profile.
But back on Topic,UKjen has anyone ever considered this might be a blessing in disguise. There are a number of recorded cases that of returning Servicemen with undetected PTS harmed or murdered their Loveones.
Granted this is a extreme consideration for his decision, but I would suggest some caution if you are intending to confront him or force the relationship. Because as you realize his attitude is strictly out of character. So there could be a multitude of under-lying considerations.
If Jen is actually in the UK, Tom, his rear party's going to be missing out.
One bad joke leads to another. Sorry, Jen - I know you wouldn't.
But seriously, that two-country thing could also be part of the problem. I met my first wife in BC. I dragged her to Moose Jaw and then Pet, where we subsequently separated. Her mother had died and her father moved to a smaller town with limited employment prospects for her during that time, so she would have had a rough time getting re-established plus we really couldn't afford to ship her stuff that far either. She stayed in Ontario for a few years, and then went back to BC later.
I lived with a young German girl while stationed in Lahr. It was a pretty good relationship, but not 100% convincing - not enough to marry her, take her to Canada away from her family, friends, country, and culture, and have her stranded here if things didn't work out further down the road.
I remember being pretty homesick too for several years after my family immigrated to Canada from England when I was nine, so that was probably a major factor in my decision as well.
I did not want to uproot somebody else when I wasn't completely certain of permanency.
There could be some of that in Jen's case.
One bad joke leads to another. Sorry, Jen - I know you wouldn't.
But seriously, that two-country thing could also be part of the problem. I met my first wife in BC. I dragged her to Moose Jaw and then Pet, where we subsequently separated. Her mother had died and her father moved to a smaller town with limited employment prospects for her during that time, so she would have had a rough time getting re-established plus we really couldn't afford to ship her stuff that far either. She stayed in Ontario for a few years, and then went back to BC later.
I lived with a young German girl while stationed in Lahr. It was a pretty good relationship, but not 100% convincing - not enough to marry her, take her to Canada away from her family, friends, country, and culture, and have her stranded here if things didn't work out further down the road.
I remember being pretty homesick too for several years after my family immigrated to Canada from England when I was nine, so that was probably a major factor in my decision as well.
I did not want to uproot somebody else when I wasn't completely certain of permanency.
There could be some of that in Jen's case.
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I agree with many of the other posters, give him a little space.. but keep after him.
Us guys can be very moody.. especially when we get seperated from the women in our lives. I know its not the same thing at all, but I haven't seen my gf in 2 months for various reasons that I wont go into, and as a guy you start thinking about other guys hitting on your girl and her not liking you more and more the longer you are apart. Like they said, keep re-assuring him. If he loves you, he WILL come around.
Us guys can be very moody.. especially when we get seperated from the women in our lives. I know its not the same thing at all, but I haven't seen my gf in 2 months for various reasons that I wont go into, and as a guy you start thinking about other guys hitting on your girl and her not liking you more and more the longer you are apart. Like they said, keep re-assuring him. If he loves you, he WILL come around.
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Whew, I'll finally be able to sleep at night, thank goodness. ;D
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UKjen said:UPDATE: we're back together!! I didn't give up and to my amazement everything has worked out! Thanks again for the support you guys, I really appreciate it. Take care.
Yes, soldiers are a different breed with too much time on their hands to think about the emotional baggage they have and the hearts they have broken. Plus, the thought of having nothing to go home to at the end of it all flucks ya head up..
Good luck in the future..
Out.
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UKJen,
Good for you...I am very glad that everything worked out.
take care,
Ed Gagnon
Good for you...I am very glad that everything worked out.
take care,
Ed Gagnon
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Hoover said:
Oh, those cold, hard eyes that have seen too much and let in so much horror that will never leave you a moments peace when you try to sleep at night. :
No doubt with killer lines like that the Oromocto princesses will not ever realize you finished your basic just this spring.
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Hello ukjen
this is snowy,well i read all the posts on this topic and i totally agree with the opinions given. I am soon joining the CF and i bet you it was the most difficult dicision of my life, leaving your loved ones ain't easy :'( , this is what i told my boyfriend,
'my dearest,
i won't be there when you need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and joke around with,
i won't be there when you fall down, feel lonely and hopeless, i won't be there to hold you at night and comfort you, i won't be there when things go wrong and you feel you love me less, just remember, when the wind blows, it is me thinking of you, when the rain falls , it is me crying for you in my heart, and when the sun shines it is me thinking of all the happy moments we had togethere,and these are the moments i am taking with me, and when we meet again i shall show you that the wind still blows, the rain still falls and the sun is even brigther........' now reverse the situation don't loose hope its not the end yet. goodluck.
regards snowy.
this is snowy,well i read all the posts on this topic and i totally agree with the opinions given. I am soon joining the CF and i bet you it was the most difficult dicision of my life, leaving your loved ones ain't easy :'( , this is what i told my boyfriend,
'my dearest,
i won't be there when you need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and joke around with,
i won't be there when you fall down, feel lonely and hopeless, i won't be there to hold you at night and comfort you, i won't be there when things go wrong and you feel you love me less, just remember, when the wind blows, it is me thinking of you, when the rain falls , it is me crying for you in my heart, and when the sun shines it is me thinking of all the happy moments we had togethere,and these are the moments i am taking with me, and when we meet again i shall show you that the wind still blows, the rain still falls and the sun is even brigther........' now reverse the situation
don't loose hope its not the end yet. goodluck.regards snowy.
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chaos75
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Just scrolling through this thread, I was thinking what a waste of server space. What kind of person asks for love life advice from complete and total strangers? But then I got to the end and saw that you two lovebirds have patched everything up and worked through all the hard times...and then I thought, wow what a huge waste of server space...and now I have unfortunately made that wasted space this much bigger...
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