Drug use/drug testing in the CF (merged)

[concernedcivilian]

Hello everyone,
I have a family member who started BMQ a couple months ago, and while she was home over the Christmas break our family noted some drastic changes in her behaviour since leaving for St. Jean. Perhaps I'm being too sensitive, and I knew she would change somewhat when joining the forces, but these changes seemed extreme. Basically I'm just looking for advice on how to handle it (if at all possible) or just reassurance that this is normal.

Before leaving she was in a long-term relationship. At least four years. While at BMQ she decided they were going to break up and proceeded to sleep with a fellow recruit before actually breaking up with him. As soon as she came home they did break up, however.

Our family immediately noted she was exceptionally rude and mean. Bragged about being military but more in a way of saying, "I'm better than you are" and looked down on all of us.

We also learned she didn't miss home or her family at all while she was away and couldn't wait to get back home to her "boys".

During her Christmas break she took to Tinder to hook up with as many guys as possible as well as resorting to cocaine use. Also managed to drink herself so stupid that she wound up in hospital requiring stitches and claims to have no memory of how or why.

Now that she's back at CFLRS she's obviously very happy and has already been sleeping with a fellow recruit.

I'm not just speculating about all of this because she has come right out and bragged about all of this, right down to being a self-proclaimed SL--T like its something to be proud of.

Now I'm sure there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop her self-destructive behaviour but none of this seems normal for a person who was once extremely family-oriented and had a good head on her shoulders. Can BMQ really change a person that much?

 

[McG]

If she is into drugs, you can help her by contacting military police.  She will not like it, but help will be forced.

 

[marinemech]

/\ + 1 needs help now before it gets way worse, recommend calling Garrison MPs highly likely that she will be pissed being called in to the office to explain to staff and MPs and possible drug testing and removal from platoon

 

[JesseWZ]

I would imagine the drug use may also be a contributing factor in the behaviour change. Nevertheless, the Forces does not condone drug use and a call to St Jean MP Detachment is in order. 1-450-358-7011 is the number for St Jean Garrison MP Det.

 

[chrisf]

On the subject of cocaine, is this something you personally witnessed or just heard rumors about?

This this stage, it could be a sudden career killer. Take that into consideration.

 

[Good2Golf]

On the subject of cocaine, is this something you personally witnessed or just heard rumors about?

This this stage, it could be a sudden career killer. Take that into consideration.

So the MPs will investigate and if there are grounds for further action, so be it.  Should it not be a career killer?  ???

Regards,
G2G

 

[McG]

The career may be killed, but before that happens there will be mandatory medical referrals where help is offered.  More likely, she would be given a second chance during which she will be monitored and counseled toward drug free behavior.

 

[Kat Stevens]

Sounds to me like someone who was seeking male attention, and suddenly found all kinds of it.  The military doesn't make her a sl*t, being a sl*t makes her a sl*t.  Think of it like the meek mouse who comes home completely different after a year at university away from controlling interests.  The drug thing is not on, at all, call the cops.  The arrogance and chesty-ness is not uncommon in new troops who have a grossly exaggerated opinion of their own value to the big machine.

 

[garb811]

Or maybe (and probably more likely then her having been a closet coke head slut all these years with the four year relationship with a guy only being cover for the lack of male attention :facepalm, something traumatic has happened to her and this "acting out" is her way of trying to deal with it.  Not like we never see this with folks who have had otherwise "by the book" careers and suddenly they go off the rails for no apparent reason until they finally are ready to seek the help they need...

 

[marinemech]

BMQ is a rough time for some people, I had the unfortunate experience of being in the garrison when a young recruit (week 3 or 4), jumped or fell from the 8th floor landing on the roof of the 3rd floor. Luckily the platoon on the 4th floor was able to get to him and preform basic first aid while waiting for emergency personnel from the civvie side and the base. Luckily for him and for all who witnessed the incident he survived

 

[Poacher434]

Calling the MP's is a viable solution, also contacting the course staff can be something to do as well.

From teaching on many courses I can attest to the fact that instructors do notice changes in recruits from day one of course throughout, so your call can shed some further light on a curious instructor.

Also since she is enlisted you can also contact 1-800-268-7708 The Canadian Armed Forces Member Assistance Program.
I swear by this and have pushed it more times than I care to remember, It is completely free and can be utilized by her or yourself, the program is confidential and the operators are very friendly and knowledgeable as to where the best help can be obtained.

They can even listen to a situation over the phone and reccomend the best places to seek assistance (they have also been known to cover some initial psychiatric treatments/screenings)

If you don't want to call the military police (although it is highly recomended to) at least call the CAF members assistance. They can probably give you better advice than anyone here (unless some counselors want to chime in)

Bear in mind I am not qualified, nor am I telling you the best solution, this is strictly my reccomendation as an experienced instructor, mental health instructor, and suicide/mental fitness supervisor.

 

[Eye In The Sky]

To the OP:  many, many people have gone thru BMQ and changed but not like that.  The best thing you can do is help to get her the help she needs, whether she wants it or not.  She is heading down a bad road that has no good end.

The MP number for that area is a great place to start.  Whatever she does and however hard it is to witness, remember she is an adult now and responsible for her actions.

There is also the option of contacting CFLRS to express your concerns;  I would suggest her Course Warrant Officer or Course Officer would be the place to start there.  If you know her platoon/course number, they would be able to point you in the right direction.

 

[Jarnhamar]

Hello everyone,
I have a family member who

-proceeded to sleep with a fellow recruit
-was exceptionally rude and mean.
-Bragged about being military
-looked down on all of us.
-she didn't miss home
-couldn't wait to get back home to her "boys".
-took to Tinder to hook up with as many guys as possible
-resorting to cocaine use.
-managed to drink herself so stupid that she wound up in hospital requiring stitches
- has already been sleeping with a fellow recruit.
-being a self-proclaimed SL--T like its something to be proud of.

To me this sounds more like a character assassination from an angry ex boyfriend than a concerned family member.

Saying theres nothing you can do to stop her self-destructive behavior sure doesn't sound like your heart is into "helping her"

 

[Strike]

To me this sounds more like a character assassination from an angry ex boyfriend than a concerned family member.

Saying theres nothing you can do to stop her self-destructive behavior sure doesn't sound like your heart is into "helping her"

I have to admit, this didn't even cross my mind until you mentioned it.  Looking at the original post even deeper -- what is the general age range to use Tinder?  An older relative would likely refer to what she is doing as 'hooking up with people online.' This does seem a tad specific.  And a concerned family member using terms like slut?  Even if she did use those terms herself, most people who care would try and tone it down by using a term like promiscuous or loose.

I also noticed the OP hasn't come back.  No thoughts on what everyone is saying?  No more questions?

 

[Remius]

Sister?  Brother? Cousin?

Who knows.

 

[Gunshark]

To me this sounds more like a character assassination...

Interesting point, but it's still anonymous, so no assassination yet.

 

[George Wallace]

Interesting point, but it's still anonymous, so no assassination yet.

Yes; but someone may have just made an ass of themselves.  [

 

[concernedcivilian]

First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to reply. I genuinely appreciate the advice you have offered so far.

I want to make it clear that I am not asking about this because I wish to destroy my family members' career, so I am glad to hear that there are options available that will help her should it come down to that.

I know it's easy to assume the worst of a person but I really do have good intentions. Otherwise I wouldn't have asked. I have no other family in the military, nor any friends in the armed forces, so I really didn't know who or where to ask. I am grateful for this forum and the ability to ask about something of this nature while keeping myself and my family members' identity private (because I do not wish to destroy her career before it has even begun).

While at home and the first couple of days after returning to BMQ she bragged a lot about everything I listed above. I chose not to tone down anything because I wanted to demonstrate the severity of her behavioural changes. None of this was here say. If it was, I would have just shrugged it off as a rumour and not thought much else about it.

I am hoping that she used her Christmas break to just blow off steam but if I do hear her bragging about the drug use again I have the contacts you have kindly provided. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was partying really really hard. Which is why I haven't acted and don't wish to unless I feel I need to.

I also wish to apologize for not replying sooner, for those wondering. Also, I don't have to be in my 20's to know what Tinder is... Not because I use it myself but because the Internet makes a mockery of the app.

If I was the ex, I would've gone out of my way to ruin her military career by now.

If there was a better place for me to ask for help or resources besides here please let me know. I didn't want to start or cause any drama. I just really didn't know what to do and I am quite frankly still in shock over what happened over the holidays.

Once again, thank you so much for the help you've been so kind to provide.

 

[Strike]

To the OP - No worries.  We tend to take many things here (especially posts by family members, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc.) with a grain of salt here.  Please don't take any of our skepticism personally.  I would much rather play devil's advocate and get the full story than take everything at face value and get bladed because of it.

 

[concernedcivilian]

To the OP - No worries.  We tend to take many things here (especially posts by family members, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc.) with a grain of salt here.  Please don't take any of our skepticism personally.  I would much rather play devil's advocate and get the full story than take everything at face value and get bladed because of it.

I had a feeling that would be the case. And it's ok. I was expecting it.