Any favourite BMQ memories?

[joonrooj]

Last weekend on morning inspection:

Sgt. "Smith": DO YOU WANT TO KNOCK ME OUT PRIVATE?!
Pte. Bloggins: No Sgt.
Sgt. Smith: THEN BRUSH YOUR GODDAMN TEETH!
Pte. Bloggins: I did Sgt.
Sgt. Smith: THEN WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE SOMEONE TOOK A S*** IN YOUR MOUTH?!
Pte. Bloggins: .....

 

[BDTyre]

And I'm sure I will get mocked/jacked for this one (since neither happened at the time)...dropping my gas mask while deconning in the gas hut.  I still managed to get it picked up and back on without once inhaling or opening my eyes.  Still felt a bit of the effects though.

 

[joonrooj]

(During hollow square rifle drill, everyone is standing easy)
Sgt: WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME BLOGGINS? DO YOU LIKE ME?
Bloggins: I like you as a Sergeant, Sergeant.
Sgt: That is the best answer that I've heard. (At this point he was as close to smiling as we've ever seen him.)

(During inspection)
Sgt: Why do you smell so bad? Did you use your deodorant this morning?
Bloggins (not the same one): No Sgt.
Sgt (going through locker): Why not Bloggins? You've got an Old Spice right here, smells good too, are you an Old Spice kind of guy Bloggins?
Bloggins: Yes Sgt.
Sgt: Oh look here is some Old Spice shampoo too, you get a lot of action with this?
Bloggins: N-Yes Sgt.
Sgt: Yes? You do get a lot of action?
Bloggins: No Sgt?
Sgt: You get a lot of action or a lot of palmela?
Bloggins: Palmela Sgt.
Sgt: You get lots of Palmela and no action?
Bloggins (completely confused right now) : No Sgt?
Sgt: Even Palmela doesn't like you.
Bloggins: Yes Sgt.

I don't remember the whole conversation, but this was what we pieced together at lunch (Shepherd's Pie )

 

[tree hugger]

On BOTC I - I kept burning myself on my iron.  My PO2 took my iron away from me so I wouldn't do anymore damage.

On BOTC II - In recent inspections, our PO2 kept dinging a room down the hall for dusty floors.  In order to remedy this the girls used pledge (furniture polish) on their floor.  The next morning, the PO2 comes in slides half way through the room and almost goes tits-up.  Many bad words followed.

On MARS II - (always the same PO2), during inspection, my PO2 was inspecting my dress shirts.  She asks me if I ironed them.  I felt confident so I said, "No PO, I used Downey wrinkle releaser!" 

On MARS II - I wanted to try something new for inspections.  The correct way to present yourself for inspection was, "NCdt Bloggins, 007 (last three of SN), ready for inspection PO!"  I tried, "NCdt Bloggins, double-o-seven, ready for inspection PO!"  She couldn't keep a straight face and I didn't get jacked.

On BOTC I - In our sister division, after a ruck march the medics were doing a foot check.  The instructors noticed that a couple of girls had their toenails painted red.  They got a lecture on divisional uniformity.  Next time out the field after a ruck march and during a foot check, the instructors were pleased that everyone in the division had their toe nails painted red.

 

[rmacqueen]

On BOTC I - I kept burning myself on my iron.  My PO2 took my iron away from me so I wouldn't do anymore damage.

You are supposed to take off your uniform before ironing it. ;D

 

[tree hugger]

Well, it was week 1.  Can't expect me to know everything right away....

 

[Trooper Hale]

Haha, i remember that same sort of thing
Old Mate No.1 - "You've got a crease there, hold still..."
Old Mate No.2 - "Steady, i'm wearing the bloody thing!"
Old Mate No.1 - "You'll be right and-"
Old mate No.2 - Extended Beeb followed by swinging of fists

My favorite was always walking into a room, seeing someone in cam's in front of the mirror with their iron. You always knew it wouldnt work out (and for all the good it did them so did they) but you didnt want to tell them.

 

[career_radio-checker]

On BOTC I - I kept burning myself on my iron.  My PO2 took my iron away from me so I wouldn't do anymore damage.

You see? That's why you don't answer your phone while ironing. It can be confusing  ;D

 

[medaid]

On BOTC I - I kept burning myself on my iron.  My PO2 took my iron away from me so I wouldn't do anymore damage.

On BOTC II - In recent inspections, our PO2 kept dinging a room down the hall for dusty floors.  In order to remedy this the girls used pledge (furniture polish) on their floor.  The next morning, the PO2 comes in slides half way through the room and almost goes tits-up.  Many bad words followed.

On MARS II - (always the same PO2), during inspection, my PO2 was inspecting my dress shirts.  She asks me if I ironed them.  I felt confident so I said, "No PO, I used Downey wrinkle releaser!" 

On MARS II - I wanted to try something new for inspections.  The correct way to present yourself for inspection was, "NCdt Bloggins, 007 (last three of SN), ready for inspection PO!"  I tried, "NCdt Bloggins, double-o-seven, ready for inspection PO!"  She couldn't keep a straight face and I didn't get jacked.

On BOTC I - In our sister division, after a ruck march the medics were doing a foot check.  The instructors noticed that a couple of girls had their toenails painted red.  They got a lecture on divisional uniformity.  Next time out the field after a ruck march and during a foot check, the instructors were pleased that everyone in the division had their toe nails painted red.

muahahahaha that is funny...I wish I had 0-0-7 as my last three  ;D

 

[sgtdixon]

Boot Strap, PteAlex, Zartan too i guess , hows it going boys, The King of 2section BMQ 0603 here... you know who I am
Where to start...

5. doing drill with invisible rifles to waste time in front of the armories and having all the staff crack up watching us struggle to do it

Me: MCpl, If were doing Invisible Drill with Imaginary Rifles, Are We Taking Imaginary Busses Back to garrison tonight?
MCpl: No Dixon, your f****** Running back to the base
Me: Woohoo MCpl...

Oh Yeah to add:

1.) The weekend before the field ex we were staying up all night getting drunk and watching movies in the rec room and one of the guy's (Lets call him Bloggins) had to go to the washroom but instead of going to the washroom he walks to a window and takes a wizz out of the third story window (TWICE) the second time one of our Mcpl's was in the parking lot below (good thing he didn't see bloggins relieving himself out of the window).

Oh the Certain MP MCpl from Calgary knew exactly who and what it was...

MCpl yelling up to window: That Better Be Rain Bloggins!
A Certain Pte: Call it What you Want MCpl, were all just lucky i made it as far as the windows.

- Getting 12 people hooked on smokes and about 8 people on chew by the end of BMQ/SQ
-"Hey Dixon is that Butt Can supposed to smoke like that?"
My Rss Trg Sgt from my Home unit "Dixon, your one messed up feller"
"Oh you dont know the half of it Sgt"

Digging an Entire Stage 6 C6 Trench Myself

2LT: Dixon, Why is your Prone Position all contorted behind your C6"
Me: Really Hard to go Prone with a Rock Hard Bone, Sir
2Lt: you think its hard now, Im gonna let you toss grenades this afternoon!

Replacing Master Bombadier with Mister Belveder after 4 days of no sleep

Being Section Senior and Crse Senior and the pride I felt when everyone had their shat together and we got platoon wide praise

Johnstons 18day stint as Crse Senior

"The Horizontal Stash", "My Target Aperture on you Just Hit Atomel!", "No you can't wear a CADPAT Manthong on Stand-to"



BMQ/SQ 0603, what a damned fine time... Double Pene 1 and 2 back to back this summer here comes the weird once again

 

[BootStrap]

"Getting 12 people hooked on smokes and about 8 people on chew by the end of BMQ/SQ"
I know I was one of them you wank... ;D ;D

But anyway it's good to see that you are doing good.

 

[sgtdixon]

"Getting 12 people hooked on smokes and about 8 people on chew by the end of BMQ/SQ"
I know I was one of them you wank... ;D ;D

But anyway it's good to see that you are doing good.

Oh Im doing quite well these days, just biding my time and training til i can get on a tour.
I aim to get at least 5 folks on the dip during the BTE in march....

 

[Raxmaster]

1. Bloggins 1 and 2 start laughing at the Master Seaman. MS makes them 'pump', they laugh harder, vicious cycle.
2. Accidentally calling a P1 a corporal
3. It was right after the sex ed class they gave us so of course everyone got a condomn from the people that taught it. I forgot to put mine away and therefore it was still on the desk. P1 walks in and asks, you plan on using that? Me not wanting to get in trouble said 'no PO' so he swiped it.
4. A MS who literally sang his orders, I cracked up everytime he gave drill.
5. Final practice for Grad parade, a close order march was called. I was in the front rank and proceeded forward. Then for some strange reason I did a right dress when the chief ordered a close order march (bad day trust me!).
6. Seeing someone puke on the ceiling and the next morning we forgot to clean it. MS never noticed it but couldn't figure out why it reeked outside the bathroom!
8. Our barracks when they decided to let us go on fourth weekend.
9. MS catching me for lint on my beret, I asked him to show me the speck. The offending speck had to be searched and searched until eventually he found something that would barely be noticed with a microscope. Bad night before so I said 'MS if that's lint then your beret is a refugee camp for the homeless lint' all I can say was I pumped until my arms nearly fell off that day.
10. Breathing in the gas hut air when we were told specifically not to do it.
11. We came to attantion when the MS approached, as I snapped to attention I ripped a huge fart and the entire platoon was laughing. The MS didn't like that much so we were pumping again.
12. The civilian PT instuctors who thought they were tough when they acted like the instructors, we just laughed at them.
13. Mr. Macho wasn't so macho when we found out he couldn't swim!
14. A recruit called his rifle the name of a girl from another section. The MS burst into the room during weapons class and yelled at the top of his lungs "Bloggins named his rifle Bloggette!!!" and stormed out.
15. The singing MS who yelled "with a five round magazine Lllllooooooooooaaaaaddddaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!" Yeah the last part was usually about 16 syllables or more.
16. A recruit fell asleep during class so the MS literally jumped up ontop of the desk grabbed the guy's shoulder and yelled "WAKE UP PRETTY!!!"

 

[Zertz]

*Weapon drops.*

Get a grip on your canteen.

 

[Cardstonkid]

On our first PO check the course officer said there would be serious consequences if anyone failed the test. 10 out of 37 failed! There was obviously something wrong so the course staff took the test. Some of the staff failed the test. There were no serious consequences. : We all had to retake an improved version of the test. All passed, even the staff

 

[sober_ruski]

*Weapon drops.*

Get a grip on your canteen.

Someone got lucky there

 

[x-grunt]

6. Seeing someone puke on the ceiling and the next morning we forgot to clean it. MS never noticed it but couldn't figure out why it reeked outside the bathroom!

 

[Samsquanch]

-Having a Master Bombadier throw pencils down the hall while we were standing at attention to see who would get wandering eyes
-Watching 3 guys puke during morning PT
-Pte Bloggins calling a Master Corporal, Maam by accident

to be continued

 

[Springroll]

-doing TOPO in the swamps of St Bruno
-friday nights after week 4
-all of Normandy week
-party platoon(long story short, 2 guys in coveralls dancing around the floor)

 

[Zertz]

Someone got lucky there

The candidates on my course started to say that to try and slide under the staff radar, eventually it became an in joke  .