Afghanistan, is it worth it- Cheating Spouse Thread

[Cpl4Life]

Glad you are doing well!

 

[helpup]

Good to hear, and Karma does work.  Most of the things going on in life are not Earth shattering.  They are forks in the road, as long as you dont just sit at the junction and go woe is me you will complete a journey. 

I think I posted earlier.  I dont condem or hold myself superior to anyone moralistically.  I can understand and in some instances open relationships, differienciate between love and lust.  No one is truely at fault for being part of a consentual tryst.  However if what your doing involves needing to lie to someone you are involved with then that is a very simple test to tell you if what you are doing is wrong or right.  And if the person you are with fails that test it is a good sign to walk away.

And a side note I highly recommend avoiding male or female who comes with need to be medicated disorders,,,,,,,, at least untill you have full knowledge of them when they are off thier meds. 

 

[chriscalow]

And a side note I highly recommend avoiding male or female who comes with need to be medicated disorders,,,,,,,, at least untill you have full knowledge of them when they are off thier meds. 

+1  very, very, good advice.  If you are going to do it, do some research first, and try to get an idea of what kind of rollercoaster ride you might be in for.  And another tip, never delete anything, a happy email, and angry email.. both ways.. you never know when you might need to prove that someone is lying their @$$ off about you behind you're back.

 

[gunshy]

WOW!

And another tip, never delete anything, a happy email, and angry email.. both ways.. you never know when you might need to prove that someone is lying their @$$ off about you behind you're back.

It's pretty sad someone would have to go to such extreme to have a relationship or protect themselves from one?  ???
I would think once you've hit this point the ties would already be severed and loses cut!

Just my  :2c: gunshy

Again...

if what your doing involves needing to lie to someone you are involved with then that is a very simple test to tell you if what you are doing is wrong or right.  And if the person you are with fails that test it is a good sign to walk away.

 

[Vets Dottir]

My wife divorced me, then forgave me and took me back.

You obviously have some redeeming qualities  ;D

 

[mariomike]

"The first step is Love, the second is mercy".
I am sure Dr Phil could explain it better! hahaha

 

[Vets Dottir]

I can only imagine what a blow it is for someone off serving only to find out their partner/spouse, girl or boyfriend has betrayed that kind of a trust.

I wish people, all, could just be honest with themselves and with each other before they jump in together too far. People change, design and build their lives around accommodating a certain kind of relationship, they structure their lives to fit that "particular kind" of relationship in ... doing and deciding things they would not do if the relationship were different. Whats wrong with that is it goes farther than a simple betrayal of monogamy, its a life betrayal to the person who has changed their lives and built life and daily decisions around to accommodate it, and thats why people get tied in knots and griefstricken when they're doing "monogamous whether stated or understood to be monogamous" and find out their partner has strayed. It's not so much about being with someone else, its about highhandedly disrespect towards that other persons life and freedom to choose how they want to do their own lives and relationships. Kinda like ripping off the other persons life and running the relationship and their life. How come? "I want you ... and I want so and so too but know you won;t be with me if I am open about that and I really gotta have you so I'll have my cake (you) and secretly eat it too (others)"

I would make different life and relationship behaviors choices for a monogamous relationship than I would for one with someone who wants other people too. In the end, all I really want is to know what I'm doing with my own life, day to day, and that I'm not crossing my own lines and can make decisions I know I can live with as long as I am with this person.

I think sacrificing what you really want for another person is not a good foundation to try build a relationship on, or hold onto someone you don't want to lose. I think a lot of grief ... and maybe a lot of bitter separations and divorces come out of "sacrificing"

All depends on what people want with and from each other. Know what you want, and what you want from other people, and try hanging in there for the person that fits.

I know "love" and instant attractions hit and people dive in hungry to have and hang on ... way too far and too soon ... blinded by love and lust  ;D ... then ......... oh boy, hang on for a bumpy ride.

These are just some of my thoughts about relationships and cheating etc. Most of us learn the hard way not to jump too far too soon How does that person handle situations and life ... good things to learn before diving in only to drown or be hurt. I'm old and have been hurt by my own "too far too soon" problems, inluding not so long ago. Slow learner I guess

 

[Vets Dottir]

"The first step is Love, the second is mercy".
I am sure Dr Phil could explain it better! hahaha

I think I get your drift ... and Doc Phils too

Actually, I think that it isn't unrealistic to think that straying spouses caught out when they were expected not to be straying ... well, that can have a good effect on a relationship and end up making it stronger. What it can do is raise all the problems to the surface and give a strong love bond a chance to kinda re-group and fix some problems, and move forward and up a level to an even better relationship. I think it can be a bit rocky, the getting to know you part and doing life and relationship together, until both people find their comfort levels with each other and what works as a couple. Strong bonds can weather and grow from straying I think, and be even stronger. I guess it depends on the strength of the bonds and the nature and extent of deceptions.

Its really good to hear that you and your wife's bond was strong enough to not break compltetly, no matter what the reasons opf why you had to be forgiven for

 

[gunshy]

What it can do is raise all the problems to the surface and give a strong love bond a chance to kinda re-group and fix some problems, and move forward and up a level to an even better relationship.

I believe this is possible if the "stray" is a one time deal, if it continues... the respect is gone and soon is the relationship  :nod:
As for:

You obviously have some redeeming qualities  ;D 

:rofl: too funny Vets
gunshy

 

[mariomike]

Any "straying" a man gets does, in this world, he's going to pay for. One way, or another.
Which begs this question. Are you vowing to be faithful till death do you part only, or for eternity!?

 

[Vets Dottir]

I believe this is possible if the "stray" is a one time deal, if it continues... the respect is gone and soon is the relationship  :nod:

Yeah, I pretty much agree with you there. If a partner keeps "falling off the relationship wagon" then they obviously aren't ready for monogamy with their partner. Either change the rules from monogamous to open relationship so the relationship is at least open and honest and a different style of relationship, or move on if what you really want is monogamous and can't handle straying partner. Sounds simple, but I know how hard it is to have to back away from someone I don't want to back away from because I love them, but in the end, I need relationships that I can live with and do my life around, knowing what I'm doing. I also need to know I'm safe from any little or big diseases and a straying partner doesn't have their strays lab reports up to the minute ... so its also a big health risk. I want to decide what risks I will take. Don't decide for me, in secret, so I don't know I'm at risk because I put myself at risk every time I am intimate with my straying partner and probably wouldn't be intimate, if only I had known he strayed. I need to trust my partner with my health too. Thats a biggy. If I'm with someone who is deceptive and strays and I don;t know that then I am putting myself at risk every time I am intimate with my "monogamous" partner. Thats my decision to decide what risks I'll "knowingly" take.

I guess this thread got me going Sorry folks. This is just me freeflowing thoughts about this kind of thing. And I know a lot of people think about this area of relationships a lot, so maybe some will be ok with things I say and go "yeah, me too"

As for:

:rofl: too funny Vets
gunshy

That was my immediate response retort

 

[Vets Dottir]

Any "straying" a man gets does, in this world, he's going to pay for. One way, or another.
Which begs this question. Are you vowing to be faithful till death do you part only, or for eternity!?

Maybe just until I don't wanna anymore then the rules have to change or be renegotiated to suit the new attitude

 

[mariomike]

I have heard of couples disagreeing over wording the vow to say "till death" or "through eternity".
I am thankful to have come of age, as George Burns said, "when the air was clean and sex was dirty." At least before AIDS threw a wet blanket on the party. Some have called the 1970's "the twilight years of debauchery". I wouldn't go quite that far! hahaha

 

[Vets Dottir]

When I was young (child of the 1950's) I would have done "til death us do part"

Now old and been around the block, I would say "Until the death of the relationship do us part"  ... starting out hoping to get to eternity of course but hey, I'm a realist by now. Life did that to me

 

[mariomike]

When I was young (child of the 1950's) I would have done "til death us do part"

This is what I was talking about, Vets Dottir:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsQpWHEYEMU

 

[Vets Dottir]

Gawd I love being single!!!!!!! That was good MM ...

 

[gunshy]

Gawd I love being single!!!!!!! 

Me too!!!  ;D  Never to vow again!  :2c:

Seems "monogamy" is too old school in this day in age and is sadly pathetic!

 

[vonGarvin]

Seems "monogamy" is too old school in this day and age and is sadly pathetic!

Well, then, call me old school and sadly pathetic.  :2c:


(But in case I change my mind, all you poly-girls out there, send phone number and "vital statistics" to me via PM)  >

 

[Kat Stevens]

Well, then, call me old school and sadly pathetic.  :2c:


(But in case I change my mind, all you poly-girls out there, send phone number and "vital statistics" to me via PM)  >

You are a low, vile man, MR... We should hang out together more  ;D

 

[vonGarvin]

You are a low, vile man, MR... We should hang out together more  ;D

Dude, I was asking for da ladeez! ;D