The Simpsons!

[Pte. Bloggins]

Hey everyone,

Nearly everyone I‘ve ever met in the military watches the Simpsons, so I thought this would be a great place to put up some favorite quotes.

I‘ll get us started.

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post office guy: Ok, Mr Burns, what‘s your first name?
Homer: I don‘t know.

(Homer is Mr Burns‘ personal assistant)
I took some messages for you.
You have 30 minutes to move your car...you have 20 minutes...your car is being towed...you car is being smashed into a cube...you have 30 minutes to move your cube!

Homer: You tried, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

or even better: If something‘s hard to do, then it‘s not worth doing. (LOL this definetely does not apply to the military eh)

 

[shaun_bougie]

I have a few good Simpsons quotes. I love the show

Woohoo, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty â “ Homer Simpson


If you don‘t like it, go to Russia - Homer Simpson

Marge, the reason we have elected officials is so we don‘t have to think! - Homer Simpson

I‘m going to the backseat of my car to make love to the woman I love and I won‘t be back for 10 minutes! - Homer Simpson

Bart, with $10 000 we could be millionaires! We could buy all sorts of useful things....like...love! - Homer

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here‘s the deal:

You freeze everything the way it is, and I won‘t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done. - Homer

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. - Homer

Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks! - Homer

That‘s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I‘m going to clown college! - Homer
Don‘t let Krusty‘s death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night. - Homer

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I‘ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! - Homer

Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe). - Homer

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer

Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone! - Homer

Beer. Now there‘s a temporary solution! - Homer

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy‘s piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close. - Homer

When will I learn? The answer to life‘s problems aren‘t at the bottom of a bottle, they‘re on TV! -Homer

America‘s health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don‘t live in Paraguay! - Homer

I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming - Homer


I could go on forever but I‘ll save some room for everyone else to throw in their favorite quotes lol.

 

[63 Delta]

"Weve searched all over this base and all we have this base and all we have found is PORN, PORN, PORN!!"

US Army General searching for Side Show Bob and his stolen nucleur Weapon.

 

[D-n-A]

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you‘d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can‘t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!" - Homer

"Oh, everything‘s too ****ed expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody‘s a sinner! Except this guy." - Homer

"...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of string, all through the night. And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered..." -- Kent Brockman

"Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?" -- Sideshow Bob

"Poachers are nature‘s way of keeping the balance. Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry a poacher is born." -- Homer Simpson

 

[Pte. Bloggins]

English? Who needs that? I"m never going to England! -Homer

Here, learn to use this. (Hands Lisa a whistle) if there‘s a war, blow on it and I‘ll come help you.

Since you have attended public school, I will assume you are already proficient with small arms, so I‘m going to start you off with something a little more advanced...that‘s pretty good Simpson, but you missed your last target...did I?

What‘s wrong? Don‘t girls like doing push-ups in the mud?
Is there any answer I can give that won‘t result in more pushups?
No.

The last three are from when Bart and Lisa go to military school...lol I love that episode.

 

[D-n-A]

haha, that was a good episode

 

[K. Ash]

Homer: I am so smart...smrt, I am so smart.... smrt.

hehe.

Family guy was ok, but it just can‘t compare to the simpsons.

 

[Korus]

One Day, At the UN:

-The Soviet Union is prepared to provide amnesty to your wayward sailors.

-Soviet Union?? We thought you guy broke up?

-HA HA HA!! Yes, that‘s what we wanted you to think!
*presses button*

Berlin Wall comming out of the ground, tanks comming out from under floats at the Red Square, Troops comming out of nowhere, Lenin Breaks out of his sarcophogous:

-Must.. Crush... Capitalism... ggrrr!!!!

 

[Duotone81]

Episode where Homer becomes executive vice president at the power plant.

Mr. Burns: I like your style, I‘m going to make you my new executive vice president.

Mr. Smithers: Um...sir I believe that position was formally promised to me?

Mr. Burns: Oh Smithers, I‘d say anything to get your stem cells.

Epsiode where Mr Burns goes on a radio talk show.

Radio Announcer: So Mr. Burns tell me about your first gay experience.

Mr. Burns: Well I was 6 years old and I went for a picnic in the park with my father. Oh boy did I have my share of weiners that day!

 

[chrisf]

My favorite simpsons quote of all time...

"See Marge, I told you they could deep fry my shirt"
"I didn‘t say they couldn‘t, I said you shouldn‘t..."

 

[leopard11]

Homer-"Marge it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen"

When homer gets a gun:
Homer: I‘d kill you if I had my gun.
Clerk: Yeah, well, you don‘t.

Homer "A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It‘s a tool, like a butcher‘s knife or a harpoon or...uh...an alligator"

Homer-"I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he‘s holding a gun"

Homer:"What‘s wrong, Lisa?"
Lisa:"My ball is stuck on the roof."
Homer:"No problem."
(Homer shoots the ball flat and it falls off the roof.)
Homer:"Want me to get the cat down?"
Lisa:"No thanks."

 

[condor888000]

Originally posted by 521:
[qb] "Weve searched all over this base and all we have this base and all we have found is PORN, PORN, PORN!!"[/qb]

Major Quimby: Send in the er-ah estimed representistives of television.
Krustywalks in sees porn) Whoh!! Now this is my kind of meeting!!!

 

[Ranger]

lol, i love the Simpsons... good stuff

 

[condor888000]

Marge: What‘s that billowing down the stairs? It‘s smoke!
Lisa: It smells like the art teachers office.

Otto: They call them fingers, but I‘ve never seen them fing. Oh there they go.

 

[Jeff Boomhouwer]

What country is this car from? It doesn"t exist anymore, just put it into H. Mrs Hoover " Ralph why don‘t you put your head down and go to sleep". Ralph "Oh boy sleep, thats where I‘m a Viking!!".

 

[D-n-A]

haha

 

[condor888000]

Don‘t blame me, I voted for Kodos!

 

[jonsey]

Originally posted by 521:
[qb] "Weve searched all over this base and all we have this base and all we have found is PORN, PORN, PORN!!"

US Army General searching for Side Show Bob and his stolen nucleur Weapon. [/qb]

Or another good one, when Sideshow Bob‘s raking up the field.

"Ahhhh, the last condom wrapper." [Jet flies by, blowing the huge pile over the field]

 

[condor888000]

Not the Harrier! We have a war tommorow!

 

[jonsey]

[Sideshow Bob is about to steal the Harrier, sees two buttons, one "Fly" one "Stop"]

"Ahhh, God bless the idiot-proof Air Force"


[Milhouse is sitting in the Harrier, pretending to fly]

<machine gun sounds>"Take that mom!"
<machine gun sounds>"Take that dad!"
<machine gun sounds>"Take that Dr. Scratchnsniff"

[He hits the ejection button]