Military Singles

[762gunner]

    Need advice...

    I'm an older single in the Army.  I come home every night to an empty house for four reasons, I figure:

    1.    My age (in the early fourties, usually feel like 29, sometimes feel like 80+);

    2.    Where I'm posted (semi-quasi-isolated posting);

    3.    Taking the civilian population into account, because I'm military; and

    4.    Being male.

    Re #4:  It's too bad that if a woman is interested in a guy, she might give him 'signals' that he is expected to see and interpret correctly, else tough titties.  The only thing that keeps me going is the work that I VERY MUCH still love, so to keep sane and stop from doing anything stupid I am a bona fide workaholic, all weekends included.

    But some days... I make sure my will is up to date.

    Any one else out there even remotely in the same boat?  Don't care to go to the bar with my buddies (all married) and get drunk, it's boring drinking alone, I pretty much take vacations alone, as being the single guy one can feel like the odd man out.

    Looking for ANY reasonable suggestions how to cope.  Don't bother mentioning seeing a shrink, talking about it doesn't change a thing.

    Cheers.  :warstory:

 

[AZA-02]

Im single, but im only 18 and i havent got a place to call home...Yet. Did this help?

 

[Teddy Ruxpin]

Well, the best advice I received was from a female friend of mine.  I too am a workaholic and my entire life was "army" for many years.  That's now been sorted out.

Her advice was to get a hobby that required meeting people - of both sexes.  Even in Wainwright, there are things to do away from the base.  Forget "picking up" a woman.  Simply broadening your social circle will increase the chances of meeting someone.  The "hobby" could be softball, a class (I know, it's Wainwright), volunteering, etc..  Even if it doesn't result in a romantic connection, it gets you off Camp and into a different setting; the odds go up considerably as a result.  You needn't hide being military, but make sure that you're not talking about it all the time.  Concentrate on meeting new friends and you're away.  My two cents...

Good luck and cheers.

TR

 

[Fishbone Jones]

This will sound hokey but it's absolutley true, and borne out time and again. It should help when you move into other circles. Women look at certain things to gauge whether to approach you or accept an advance, subconciously in most cases, but they do. There are three that make you very approachable. Good looking shoes, a good looking belt and a good looking watch. Not Nikes, CF belt and ironman velcro watchband, but good quality leather stuff all around and a good chronometer, not a digital. I've watched this advice used by some real sad sacks and was amazed at the results. Might not be what your looking for as far as answers, but it can't hurt to give it a try.

 

[Manimal]

;D go to church

 

[Mappy]

Sometimes you met that special someone in unusual places.  I met my bf on the internet (haha please dont judge!) and I wasn't going around looking for someone on the internet....it just happened. My advice is to not be super forward, that would scare some of us females off.

 

[Strike]

Lava Life.  I know more than a few people that have used it with success.

If that still doesn't interest you, get involved in local activities, like was previously mentioned.  Not only will it get you out of the house, but you will increase your pool of friends to probably include some who aren't in the military.  We all need some civvy friends to keep us in the "real world."

You aren't alone.  I had the same problem in Halifax, of all places.  Work was my life, until I decided to sign up with "Joints in Motion."  I was the only military person on the team and made loads of friends that I am still in contact with.  Get out, get involved, have fun.  Either that, or get a cat.  Its psychotic antics will make you see how sane you really are.  ;D

 

[Gunner98]

Look for social type clubs such as Lions, Rotary, Toastmasters, charity/volunteer, bowling, tennis, darts - places where people get to know you and will promote you to their single friends.  If you are doing good things people will be drawn to you of both sexes and they will be great referral agents for their friends and you.

 

[camochick]

As dorky as this may sound, i swear by lava life, i have met my last three serious bf's on there. Internet dating isnt the geek thing it once was. You have to weed through the weirdos but there are some genuine people on there who just want to meet that special someone. I am young and fairly attractive but i hate the bar scene so i chose to do the online thing. It gives me a chance to get to know someone who is drunk and slobbering and trying to hump my leg. Match.com isnt bad either but it's pricey. Good luck to you, I know that you will find that special someone, sometimes it just takes time.  >

 

[Kal]

   I agree with Teddy's friend.   Try a class, perhaps a cooking or dance class.   With regards to the rest of your post....

     Need advice...

     I'm an older single in the Army.   I come home every night to an empty house for four reasons, I figure:

     1.      My age (in the early fourties, usually feel like 29, sometimes feel like 80+);

     2.      Where I'm posted (semi-quasi-isolated posting);

     3.      Taking the civilian population into account, because I'm military; and

     4.      Being male.

Points 1, 3, and 4 are only problems if you let them be...   Your age???   Don't you ever see or hear of those guys that have wives or girlfriends that significantly younger than they are?   It's only an issue if you think it's one.   So the civvy population doesn't like military.   How is that your problem?   If you find a woman that doesn't like military, you don't want her anyways, right?   Being male?   How is it that a problem?   Oh, I get, years of being badly programmed into thinking that the guy to supposed to 'court' a woman and that he must make all the advances.   That's a girly-man mindset, these girls are there for you to chose, not them chose you.   If you go out with one, and they don't meet the critirea, that's not your fault, it's on to the next one.   Get out of this mindset that you must a find girl that will learn to accept you and will see the light and fall magically in love with you, because she won't the way you're talking.   Remember the girls are there for you and for you to chose the best for yourself.   Look at nature, the alpha male never compete for a female, the top females always come to him.  

Sorry, if this sounded harsh, I didn't mean it to be, well a little bit yes, but you needed it....    

 

[Mappy]

i swear by lava life, i have met my last three serious bf's on there. Internet dating isnt the geek thing it once was

I know! When I tell people I met my bf on date.ca, a large majority respond with "really? Thats so cool!"

 

[Strike]

Look at nature, the alpha male never compete for a female, the top females always come to him. 

Hate to burst your bubble there Kal, but if that were true, why do male birds have brighter plummage?  Why to deer, elk, moose, and other antler bearing animals always seem to find the males competing for the female?  Humans seem to be the only creatures where the female has to dress up to get the guy.

Beyond the point of this thread though.  The point is, get out, get involved, meet people.  Just by meeting someone increases your chances of meeting someone else you may like and who will feel the same in return.  Networking can work wonders, but you have to get out to make it work.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

............as Kal drags his club and mate, back to the cave, by the handle and hair respectivley. ;D

 

[navygirlfriend]

Looking for ANY reasonable suggestions how to cope.  

Swing dancing.   Swing dancing will solve all your earthly problems.

 

[Pieman]

It does not hurt to play the odds. If you join a club or activity where there are 20 guys and 5 girls, it is that much harder for you to interact with the woman in the course. Go to something that is more woman dominated. I have found that many fitness courses, like a running club, tend to have a lot more girls than guys in them.

 

[Manimal]

but if you the only nice guy out of those 20 guys, you just have to get in there and prove yourself.
chances are, 20 guys hanging around to meet women, 18 of them are arses

 

[Kal]

Strike - Sorry, but I should clarify.   I meant pack animals.   These types on animals do compete with other males, but not necessarily for females.   The animals will compete to see which one will be the alpha male and lead the pack.   Being the alpha male, means first choice at everything the pack does, eats, etc.   Once the alpha male is known, they don't compete for females.

Recceguy - Ouch...   8)   (just kidding)

Not to blow my own horn, but...   All guys seem to know someone that is a devil with the ladies, that is never down for a date and is always having the girls come to him.   I'm one of the guys   I'm just saying what works for me.

 

[bonitabelle]

One more piece of advice over what all you have heard, when you are meeting the women, please be yourself.  (This from a woman's point of view)  We enjoy ourselves when you are being honest with us.

 

[Britney Spears]

Strike - Sorry, but I should clarify.  I meant pack animals.  These types on animals do compete with other males, but not necessarily for females.  The animals will compete to see which one will be the alpha male and lead the pack.  Being the alpha male, means first choice at everything the pack does, eats, etc.  Once the alpha male is known, they don't compete for females.

I think the term you are looking for is "social animal". A pack animal is an animal you use to carry rucksacks and other heavy loads over long distances. In this day and age, it is no longer fashionable or appropriate to use women for this role.

 

[Shadow Cat]

One word od advice for finding a a female companion...don't listen to Kal.  I am pretty sure that based on what he has already stated that he can only get the bimbos or the females that lack intelligence and self esteem.  It also sounds like he is only into the short term relationships, which from your post it really looks like you are looking for something that may be a little more solid than that.

Like everyone said get out there and join some groups.  If you like to owrk out there are lots of options, if you like to read than try a book club (always packed with women), if you like to cook than you are set there (cooking can be great for foreplay as well  >). 

Sometimes just approaching a woman out of the blue can get you amazing results as well.  I mean look at the recent show Beauty and Geeks, they got women's digits and if they can do, anyone can do it.

I do have to agree with one thing that Kal said though.  If the woman is not acceptable of your military career than you have to try to find someone that is.  Truth is this is your life and that has to be respected by who ever you meet.