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Is there any hope for a relationship??

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ArmyGirlfriend19

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hello,

My boyfriend has currently joined the army and is starting his basic trainning soon. I have read many posts about marriages working through this, however I have also read that if a guy is not married he should stay single. Why is this and if anyone has any suggestions for me please let me know. I am so scared to lose him, thanks jenn
 
"marriages working through this, however I have also read that if a guy is not married he should stay single. "

Where did you read this?  The Army has a bad rap in this, and is obviously incapable of sticking up for itself on this one.  I would say that people who blame only the army for their problems have other issues to deal with as well, and the relationship would have foundered, Army or no.
 
Jenn,

TCBF and i have touched on this in another thread.  You have to take verything you hear with a grain of salt.  I lived trough the first 9 years of my career in relationships including BMQ and my QL3.....survived overseas tours and all.  Only you and your bf can decide if you are going to make it trough.   Stop listening to whoever is feeding you all this "wisdom" ( more like bulls**t if you ask me)   you have been writing about...thats my advice. Life is what YOU make of it......
 
Hello,

I totally understand and I will definetly stop listening to them. thank you again...Jenn
 
Jenn,

I am in the situation that you and your boyfriend could be in after he is done basic- I am at CFB Borden awaiting training. Here's some pointers that you might find helpful;

When your boyfriend leaves for Basic you need to remember that he will go through some tough times where he will wonder what he is doing, and he might want to quit. He will be frustrated and stressed, he will be scared. He will need your strength and determination for inspiration and to keep any doubts away. Basic training, for those that havent gone through any military training, is a huge culture shock, and he will need you to be strong. You are busy all night up until bedtime, so calling home might be tough (although I found time to call my girlfriend every night, sometimes only just for a few minutes). Internet access is pretty poor, only a few pay-as-you-go dial-up computers on base, lots of people trying to use them, etc.
Basic will be frustrating, but it gets better.
Once his training is completed, he will be allowed to live a "normal" life, where he can live off of base. Work will usually be a 7-4 kind of day, but take this with a grain of salt. Remember, military people have lives too, and they want to go home and see their families as well, so from what I know, most units work 'normal' hours, with some exceptions.

If you two have lived together for over a year, and have the paperwork to prove it, you could change your marital status to common-law, which has a few benefits. On paper he will have the same status as being married, so you will be taken into account when he gets posted, and if he is allowed to live off of base during training (depending on his trade). When he is away from home, he will also get separation pay, which isnt a huge amount, but it helps out.

In short, yes there is hope for a relationship, if you two are willing to make sacrifices. Remember, the hardest part is the beginning, and it gets easier from there.
Mike
 
been a soldier for 10 years. Been married for 10 years. Take it for what it's worth.
 
Now after all the touchy-feely mushy stuff, ;) my wife and I have no problems admitting that had I stayed in we probably would not still be together, separations and lack of being able to make long-term plans is not easy on a relationship.
However that could also be said for a long distance trucker and not just a soldier.....
 
14 years in for both of us, and married for 10.  We've had our ups and downs, but like any job and relationship together, it's what you make of it.  Be there for support for him, but also look into support for yourself too.  Meet with some other "newlyweds" and even "been theres, done that's" to help you learn the background of military life.  And, as you've already learned, take what you hear with a grain of salt.  It's nice to have some support, but you have to take the bad (news) with the good.  Best of luck and hang in there!  As for me, DH is already asking when I'm going back to sea!!  We have learned to make the best of our time together and apart, and our relationship is stronger because of it.
 
hello again...

It is so very nice to hear of relationship stories that have workout so well. Sadly we have not lived together we really haven't even been together a long time so the army will not consider me as anything but I can see that there is still hope for us and I am willing to do what ever i can do to help him through this time. And I will take your advice and learn as much about military life a possible.
Another question, you mentioned the Cf Borden, I also recall my BF mentioning it too. If you have time could you go into more detail about it? Like what do they do there, how long is it and most important can we be together? as well anything else you might think is helpful.
As well since you have already gone though the basic trainning, what happens after graduation, do you get to go home for a bit or are you ship off right away?
Sorry about all the questions but thank you for you comforting words...Jenn
 
Jenn, I know what you are going through. Myself, I am dating a girl from Calgary and I am living in Kingston. I will say it is a very difficult road to travel down, but we have been going for more than a year now and we will soon be engaged. Just stick with it, it will be worth it in the end. Sure there will be difficult periods, but when you get to see him, it will all be worth it.
 
Jenn,

I met my husband when he was at RMC in Kingston (ROTP) we got married at the beginning of his 3rd year. Only you and your boyfriend can decide if its going to work out.  Yes, there are a lot of stresses when you are far apart,  and from what I hear from other military girlfriends - the most frustrating is that the CF doesn't give them the support that a common-law or married spouse gets.
I wouldn't really listen to that rumor at all.


mrosseker,  Carrabs says hi. Saw him today at my parents place
 
http://forums.army.ca/forums/index.php?action=profile
 
Thats funny, I click on it and get my profile.......I must have done something stupid with THOSE buttons...[Mike was right, I'm not ready for the real Moderator buttons yet]
 
If you both want it to work it will work. I can only speak for myself and my now  wife we were engaged when I joined and we did the whole common-law thing so she has the same rights as a wife. Now i asked her if she ever needed it and no she did not(but she did say to remember that this is a change for him if he has never been subjected to any thing military and not to attack him or place blame cause you feel left out. She said he need your unconditional support. And never end a phone call angry). I was able to call her frequently and keep her informed on what was going on with courses and posting times etc... as long as your boyfriend is willing to keep the communications lines open you will be fine. many people do it many succeed it is all really based on you and him.
 
hello,

For starters I would like to thank all of you very much for your input, I have taken all this advice under consideration and it has help me more then I can say. My boyfriend has been great he has contacted me one way or another almost every day, and i believe as you all have pointed this is are relationship and we'll make it work...thanks for your kind words and support Jenn
 
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