He has commanded British forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now he wants to lead them through the minefield of marriage.
In a lengthy order to troops bemoaning a general slide in etiquette and conduct, Major General James Cowan says the secret to a successful marriage is “never sit next to your spouse at dinner” — unless there is no alternative.
The senior Army officer’s fire was drawn by a “curious” decision to seat husbands next to their wives at a recent Burns Night supper.
“The practice displays a marked degree of insecurity and is to stop,” he thunders in a missive which also banned sandwiches from his officers’ mess, citing “frankly barbaric” table manners.
Maj Gen James Cowan lectures his officers on subjects ranging from their writing styles to the falling standard of polite conversation.
He goes on to offer lengthy advice on the secret of a good dinner party.
“I give frequent dinner parties and it has become apparent that many Army couples don’t know that a good party relies on good conversation,” he says.
The three-page letter, reported in The Sun, was sent to a handful of officers at 3 UK Division last week, but has been widely circulated throughout the Army and Ministry of Defence.
Maj Gen Cowan acknowledges that he risks “sounding like a parent”, before launching into a list of pet hates that he complains distract him from more important matters. “I take a dim view of those who live in ignorance of these simple rules of civilised life,” he warns. “Quite a few officers in the divisional mess seem to be under the impression that they can eat their food with their hands. The practice of serving rolls and sandwiches in the mess is to stop. A gentleman or lady uses a knife and fork,” he says.
He then relays detailed instructions on how his officers should use those utensils. “Holding either like a pen is unacceptable, as are stabbing techniques,” he says.
Maj Gen Cowan, who was educated at Wellington School, says he is dismayed by a decline in courtesy. “Ten years ago as a CO, officers would stand up when the commanding officer walked into the anteroom. This doesn’t seem to happen any more,” he says.
He adds: “We recruit our officers from a broad pool. I don’t want them to be disadvantaged by innocent ignorance.”
Maj Gen Cowan reserved the majority of his order for criticism of Army writing styles, attacking an overuse of acronyms, capital letters and jargon. But he ended his order on a more conciliatory note, remarking that “the vast majority of people I meet are intelligent, friendly and good company, so this email is simply to help those who need a little nudge.”
Maj Gen Cowan, who is married with three children, was last night in Canada on Army business and was unavailable for comment. The Army has made efforts to widen its intake of officers and Army sources were keen to stress the note was not to be taken too seriously.
An Army spokesman said: “This note was part of a light-hearted correspondence between a commander and his officers about an expected code of behaviour.”
