The 20 best Chuck Norris facts
We don't need to celebrate Chuck Norris's 75th birthday – but who knows what might happen if we don't
By Rupert Hawksley
6:50PM GMT 10 Mar 2015
Chuck Norris turned 75 today – or should I say 75 turned Chuck Norris today? The actor and martial artist, who also served four years in the United States Air Force, might have an impressive CV but it is an internet craze for which he is now best known. "Chuck Norris facts" have arguably overshadowed all of the 75-year-old's previous achievements. Even his appearances in Way of the Dragon and long-running CBS drama Walker, Texas Ranger. Come to think of it, "Chuck Norris facts" would do well to watch their backs.
But what is a "Chuck Norris fact"? In 2005, a series of jokes starting circulating online, possibly inspired by the American comedian and broadcaster Conan O'Brien. Deliberately absurd, and focussing on Norris's virility, manliness and all-round heroism, a typical "Chuck Norris fact" runs like this: "Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting." Or: "Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
The popularity of "Chuck Norris facts" mushroomed and today a Twitter account (@chuck_facts) dedicated to providing fans with a stream of facts has 270,000 followers. Norris himself has admitted to finding the jokes amusing and said that his favourite "Chuck Norris fact" is: "They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard."
In 2007, however, Penguin USA collated the best of these "Chuck Norris facts" and released a book called The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human. Norris sued the publishing house in 2008, claiming "trademark infringement, unjust enrichment and privacy rights". (He was unsuccessful.)
A year later, though, Norris released The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book, a fully-endorsed collection of "Chuck Norris facts". If anyone is going to release a Chuck Norris book... (you get the idea).
So without further ado, I'd better get on and pick some of the best "Chuck Norris facts" – before a roundhouse kick greets me on the way out of the office.
The 20 best Chuck Norris facts
1) Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra and after five days of excruciating pain... the cobra died.
2) He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris, it's definitely his last laugh. (In his book, The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book, Norris added under this fact: "Now that's funny. I love to laugh, as do most people." Most people are still unsure if he was joking.)
3) The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. (Norris commented: "Three years ago, at the end of a Nightline interview, ABC host Bill Weir asked me my age and I told him 66. Then I added with a smile, 'I like to say I'm 39, with 27 years of experience.'")
4) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
5) Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
6) Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
7) If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
8 ) When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
9) When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
10) Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
11) Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants today are known as giraffes.
12) Chuck Norris doesn't breathe air. He holds air hostage.
13) Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
14) Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.
15) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
16) Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2. No one fools Chuck Norris.
17) Chuck Norris wears sunglasses so that his eyes won't hurt the sun.
18) If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
19) When Chuck Norris works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.
20) Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.
Predictably, Twitter has joined in the birthday celebrations.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/film-news/11462159/The-20-best-Chuck-Norris-facts.html
