Breaking up with loved ones

[Trooper Hale]

Today has to be one of the hardest days of my life. This morning i told my girlfriend of 18 months that i was transferring to the Regular army and moving to Brisbane from Melbourne. I told her that with all the stuff going on in the world and all the people getting killed, i couldnt just sit around and watch. I couldnt happily trot off to Uni each day while my mates were being attacked, shot at, ambushed and in the case of last week or so, killed.
She didnt handle it very well at all and her beautiful face pretty well desolved. I think she understood a little, but she hates the army and she hates my being involved. We sat together for 2 hours before i left with her crying her eyes out and me shedding more then a couple of tears.
Its the hardest thing, i still love her and she still loves me, we'r not breaking up because we had a fight or anything just that i cant stay in Melbourne as a uni student while the boys are risking everything. I cant live with that but unfortunately she cant be with me if i'm moving all the way up north to places people like Wes frequent.
Simply put, i feel like the biggest bastard on earth, to leave her like that and to know how rejected and betrayed she must feel right now. I feel empty and lonely myself and its only been 6 hours since it happened. I was wondering if any of the seasoned campaigners here had any tips, especially Trinity?
Its definately got a good day for me,
Cheers folks,
Hales

 

[Aries]

If she doesn't understand a higher calling, then it wasn't meant to be.

Plus, when you find a chick that's cool with you going on deployments and exercises and beercalls....then you are set for life.

Plus it's only 18 months

 

[Gunner]

I think she understood a little, but she hates the army and she hates my being involved.

This sentence says it all to me.  If she is not willing to support you in your chosen calling, it is time for both of you to move on.  Wish her well and get on with your life.

 

[Trinity]

Well.. since I got named in the post


PM inbound

Situations like this are more complicated/involved than the simple answer which
will be repeated here over and over.

Not sure if a lock would be appropriate.

 

[patrick666]

It's been said elsewhere in the forum but 'the military makes weak relationships weaker and strong relationships stronger'.

Life and love is a heavy load. You can only do your best to carry the weight. Good luck, be safe.

Cheers,

Patrick

 

[Spring_bok]

This sentence says it all to me.  If she is not willing to support you in your chosen calling, it is time for both of you to move on.  Wish her well and get on with your life.

If she doesn't understand a higher calling, then it wasn't meant to be.

Plus, when you find a chick that's cool with you going on deployments and exercises and beercalls....then you are set for life.

Plus it's only 18 months

This much too delicate a situation to be generalising.  I hope that everything works out and I too feel a lock might be appropriate. 

 

[Gunner]

This much too delicate a situation to be generalising.  I hope that everything works out and I too feel a lock might be appropriate. 

If you ask for advice on an open forum, you takes what you get.

 

[onecat]

I think she understood a little, but she hates the army and she hates my being involved
Why does she hate the army?  From the sounds of it, she will not support you in teh army and say your wasting you life there.

 

[1feral1]

Mate, take it from some who has been up this road on a few occasions over the years, a bottle named Jack can help you drown your sorrows.

Get it overwith, and lick thy wounds accordingly.

Welcome to the ARA and to The Broken Hearts Club!


Cheers,

Wes

 

[Trooper Hale]

thanks for all the PM's folks. Its actually as simple as it sounds, i'm leaving her to go ARA, i wish there was some complication to help it out, i sort of wish i hated her and she hated me but its not like that. Anyway, i've got a bunch of PM's which are great, i've got a few bottle of VB and i've got a bunch of good mates, i'll be right.
Feel free to lock it unless anyone wants to add something, i've got the help i asked for,
Hales

 

[Trooper Hale]

And it is done, she just came over, gave me back the ring I'd given her for our 12 month (by gave i mean threw it at me). We talked, did the crying business and she told me that the last 17 months have just been one big lie, that I'd never see her again and that she'd never be a part of my life again.
I know what I'm doing is right but that doesn't make it any easier. Because by doing the right thing I'm destroying a girl who i love and adore.

We all make sacrifices to join the forces, I've just started to play with the big boys really and i suppose I've just started doing what others here have done countless times. I believe in what we're doing in the Stan and Iraq, i believe in every person doing something that they can look back on when they're old and grey and i believe that if we don't do anything in this world then we don't deserve to be a part of it. I feel strongly about being there for my mates, if anyone of them is going to get hurt I'm going to be there with them because i love the bastards i work with. I've never had a very strong family, these boys are my family.
I look at the senior members of this board and i cant help but be impressed (yeah, even para cowboy!). When the NDP attacks the CF, or the US or even Aus's commitment in the world, they attack each and every one of us. They attack the deeds of the fallen, the attack the deeds of the senior diggers, of every man and woman in any military. From Johnny pencil pusher to Terry the Lav gunner.
Maybe I'm too young, too naive, too innocent to really know how it works, but to me, every single one here is my brother and every single one here gives me strength.
Thanks for all the Pm's and support,
Hales

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Well, that rots my friend. 
Why is it that doing the right thing isn't always the easy thing?  And the people whom we love are really the only ones that can truly hurt us? 
Hang in there, Hale.  Obviously you care about the girl.  If you didn't, you would just punt her and bash on.  And nothing sucks like having to be the one to hurt somebody you love.  For 18 months you probably would have chewed through a brick wall to help her, and now you have to be the bastard.  And it seems like making her smile would be so easy and seems like the right thing to do, since you care about the girl and that's what people do when they care. 
As the senior batch will tell you, time and distance will be the only things that will take the edge off.  Plus, nothing is carved in stone.  Some day, when you are in a more stable place, and happen to cross paths maybe things will work out.  She is mad right now, and has to process the deal on her own.  Eventually, she will realize that you acted for a greater good, and will probably end up even being proud of you. 

Failing that, you can be assured that no Army guy has a chance with her in the future.  ;D
Good luck, brother. 

Zipperhead_been_there

 

[Suebu]

Hey Hale,

As the girl on the otherside of that break up...me or the army.....well here is my two cents...

When I was much younger I dated a army man (Sig's) he broke up with me because he was posted to Calgary. We dated for 18 months also and lived together for 12 of those. When he broke up with me I hated his guts...I wanted anything and everything bad to happen to him for his cruelty to my heart. For a month I cried, I moped, I went self- destructive!! It felt like a piece of me was being ripped out of my soul.

Now I live in the same city as him (he doesn't know that) and after reading your note on the board I started to think of him. He was my first love, the only one that made me feel really good about who and what I am and I am here to state....I don't hate him and I am praying everyday that he has found a life where it is full of love and happiness. Why am I saying this...because he knew what was best for both of us. He knew I would never be happy without my family around me.....especially at the age I was. That piece of my soul that was ripped out...is still gone, but it is a piece of myself I gave away freely and I only hope he still has it.

It was hard to move on, I didn't think I would ever love someone like that again....and I haven't but now I share a mature love with my husband, we have two beautiful daughters.....and he is in the airforce (started army and re-mustared)

So how I see it, if you feel so strongly about doing what you have to do, well do it for it was meant to be......BUT DON'T DO IT FOR THE BOYS!!, as you put it, do it for yourself, for the dignity you will gain from such a selfless act, do it because it is your purpose and your calling to fulfill.

And that is my two cents for what it is worth

Cheers
Sue

 

[ThatsLife]

Hale, I was in the EXACT, EXACT, EXACT same boat as you. I told my girlfriend I was joining the reserves and after my interview, I came on here and told the guys on these forums about my situation and they told me to grow some balls (secretely I knew I had to aswell )...so the next day I told them I changed my mind and wanted to go reg force instead. My girlfriend was proud that I was joining the reserves, hell, she didn't care as long as I was close to home...well, I phoned her after my SECOND interview and she was all excited and was like, "So how was it!?  "...when I told her the story she basically hung up on me. It was like some bloody chick flick or something, I never thought situations like this actually happened in real life.

Anyways, long story short, I VR'd for a stupid reason; one of the reasons was a legit one -- finish school. Second was because of....her. Now I find myself in the same situation as I was a year ago, wanting to go back to the reg force. I can't stand civilian life, every day is the same old bull**** as the previous day. Wake up at 5:30, drive to somewhere in Vancouver/Lower Mainland, put on my hard hat and continue 8+ hours of my life every single day as a labourer. This is not something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life, it's a bloody nightmare...my life feels so....not complete. I'm sacrificing alot just to make her happy, but in return I'm just living a life I'm not meant to be living. I'm going to be breaking the news to her that I'm going back to the reg force in a few weeks, even though she threatened that if I did that, she wouldn't be here when I got back. Hell, if that's what she wants then there was really nothing there in the first place.

Anyways, I've hijacked your thread, my bad  ;D Just thought I'd share a somewhat similar story and to let you know there's thousands of these situations and you're not alone.

Take it easy.

 

[geo]

Well Hale....
By giving you back the ring, she'sput her best foot forward and you know exactly where you stand.... makes things a lot easier. Move on and expand your horizons.

CHIMO!

 

[1feral1]

Hey Hales, one of the lads says to try www.militarymatchmaker.com - he says he has heaps of fun on there, and is meeting up with a girl from Scotland during his ROCTFA. The sky is the limit, and you are in control.

My prediction, within 12 months you'll be exactly where I am now, if you go with my Unit.

So, mate, hang in there get some Jack into your veins, vent and chill, and you'll be right, mate.


Forward!


Wes

 

[probum non poenitet]

Been there. Exactly.

It sucks.

At last count, over 3 billion women on Earth. Fate will smile again.